


Private Conversation

by kalloen_or_rileyalainn



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Also check out my podcast, Broadway, But its worth it i promise, Eventual Katara/Zuko (Avatar), F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Love You, If you're reading this far into the tags, Like think the slowest burn, Other, Slow Burn, Songs, What Have I Done, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zutara, Zutara Month, Zutara My Entire Life, Zutara Week, Zutara Year, i can't commit, oh yeah we're going there, super slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 29,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28115733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalloen_or_rileyalainn/pseuds/kalloen_or_rileyalainn
Summary: 'I imagine us so well, how you dance and taste and smell...I can imagine me with you, but I don't have the guts to follow through..."There is so much life left to be lived after the war has ended. Zutara, slow burn.
Relationships: Aang/Toph Beifong, Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 25





	1. An obvious connect, I tried so hard to hide, couldn't even say it to myself...

**Author's Note:**

> ~Hello and welcome!~
> 
> First of all, thank you so much for reading~ 
> 
> This idea is based off the song Private Conversation from the musical Sideshow (which I don't own. I don't own A:TLA either). The first chapter takes place during The Southern Raiders.
> 
> I am always very terrible at keeping up with fanfictions so I made an "executive decision" to write a good portion of this one out before I posted it. I am going to try to keep it updated regularly. Really. I am. Anyways, without further stalling, I present 'Private Conversation'.

_An obvious connection I tried so hard to hide,_

_Couldn’t even say it to myself._

* * *

Zuko stared into his cup as the fire flickered in front of him. The jovial sounds of Sokka, Suki and Aang bantering back and forth filled the air around the campsite as the gang settled in around the flames. Zuko watched as light flickered in the liquid that sloshed around in his cup. The flames cast splotchy shadows that danced among what looked like tiny waves as he gazed into it. The light got trapped in certain spots, making the cloudy liquid of the watered-down cactus juice seem luminescent. 

Their attack at the Western Air Temple weighed heavily on his mind. It’s not as though he wasn’t happy they escaped- he would never pass up an opportunity to give Azula what for. His brain was raked with ‘what if’s’ that played out in quick, obscure succession. Zuko pondered for a long while on any that would have allowed the group to stay together in their entirety, but as they each concluded, they all ended in tragedy.

Aang plopped down on the log, directly next to Zuko, drawing his attention away from the drink in front of him. The monk smiled widely at him as everyone settled in after their long and eventful day. Sokka sat on an elongated rock across from them, Suki sitting between his knees on the soft ground. The warrior had one hand on her shoulder, the other gripping a cup that he playfully rested on her other shoulder. Suki reached up and swatted it away, and Zuko could make out the faintest annoyed whisper of something along the lines of, ‘I’m not a table!’ He chuckled lightly to himself and continued to look around. Toph sat on the ground slightly further from the fire than everyone else, cuddling a bit with Momo who used her as a human-jungle-gym.

The quiet waterbender sat solemnly, sipping from her cup with little interest in the rest of the group. Her eyes betrayed a slightly pensive train of though as the angle of her gaze fell somewhere above the flames but below the tree tops. His eyes resting on her suddenly felt intrusive as she looked up at him, catching him staring at her and startling him slightly. He had a moment to recover before Aang spoke up and broke the tension.

“Wow, camping…It really seems like old times, doesn’t it?” Aang said, smiling at the others. He nodded at Zuko, as if to highlight the clear difference between the old times and new.

“If you really wanted it to feel like old times, I could, uh,…chase you around a while and try to capture you.”

Unsure of how the joke landed for a split second, the firebender almost cringed. His eyes filled with relief as the rest of the gang broke out into boisterous laughter, and Zuko smiled slightly. Toph feigned wiping tears from her eyes and Aang almost fell off the log, his arm whipping up to grab onto Zuko’s shoulder for support.

“Ha. Ha.” Sarcasm dripped from Katara’s voice and hung in the air around him, coating him in its thick venom.

_“…You won’t have to worry about your destiny anymore. Because I’ll make sure your destiny ends…right then and there. Permanently.”_

Zuko thought for a moment about the words she had said to him. It felt like years ago, considering the progress that he had made with the group and their intermittent adventures so far, but he knew better. The sarcasm of her mock chuckle bit through him. He wished its grip would release.

“To Zuko!” Sokka stood, almost tripping over Suki in the process. He held up his cup towards the night sky and smiled triumphantly. “Who knew after all the times he tried to snuff us out, today he’d be our hero?” He grinned and took a long, ceremonial swig from his cup.

“Hear, hear!” The rest of the gang followed suit.

Toph stood and approached the firebender, giving him a light punch in the arm that was almost too rough to be playful. He smiled up at her and held his arm jokingly. Aang, on his other side, nudged him with his elbow. He turned to the airbender’s wide grin just inches from him and flushed with embarrassment.

“I’m touched,” he said, a genuine smile adorning his lips for the slightest of seconds, only to be replaced by a solemn look of humility. “I don’t deserve this.” Peering back down into his cup, he thought for a moment he could see the liquid in it rising and turning, ever so slightly. His eyes rose to meet the orbs of blue. While she was still across the campsite from him, a pyre of red and gold flame between them, he felt as if she was peering into his soul.

“Yeah, no kidding.” A chill slid through his skin and bones as Katara rose and turned towards the trees. Goosebumps rose on his arm and he couldn’t tell if it was out of dejection or anger that the small bumps crept across his flesh. Despite the large flame in front of him, he suddenly felt cold. Everyone watched her leave and Zuko wondered if they felt the chill, too.

“What’s with her?” A baffled Sokka spoke up. 

“I wish I knew.” Zuko peered off for a moment, wondering if he should follow her. Before he lost sight of her in the thick woods, and before he lost his nerve entirely, he slammed his cup down on the log beside him and marched after her. 

“What’s with him?” Zuko heard Sokka say as he wandered away into the darkness.

* * *

The large crag jutted outward, littered with smaller rocks and boulders that betrayed its age. It seemed to glow like a sheet of ice under the moonlight that was partially obscured by clouds. The wind whispered gently against his back and towards the edge of the cliff, seemingly pushing him out of the thicket of trees and into the bare night. The cliff overlooked the ocean and he could smell the salt on the air. It smelled comforting and familiar, yet harsh on his nostrils at the present moment.

The object of his pursuit sat perched on a rock. She hadn’t yet been alerted to his presence, but his breathing caught in his throat as he took her in. He wondered how he’d never noticed her beauty before. Her long brown hair flowed down her back, tufts of it wafting on the wind gently, tickling her smooth tan skin. She gazed up with an expression Zuko could only inwardly describe as _longing_ and her blue eyes caught the light in a way that made them look like oceans. He suddenly felt the urge to go swimming.

He took a step further, his foot landing on a small puddle. While it made no sound, the disturbance of the water seemed to capture Katara’s attention and she immediately snapped back to reality and her head turned in his direction, once again casting the venom of her distrust over him.

Katara huffed in annoyance and turned to push herself off the boulder. The coldness of her shoulder cutting off Zuko’s line of sight immediately sent Zuko into a rage. He was tired of having to prove himself to her, and he’d make that clear tonight even if it kills him.

“This isn’t fair!” He barked, louder and harsher than he intended. “Everyone else seems to trust me now! What is it with you?” He began to close the gap between them, much to her annoyance. She turned back towards him, wheeling on her heels in such fervor that he wondered if she left marks on the stone. If anyone were controlling the narrative here, it would be her.

“Oh, everyone trusts you now! I was the first person to trust you!” She closed the rest of the distance between them, much to Zuko’s surprise. When she stood no less than a foot in front of him, her hand rose to her heart. It trembled as a memory flickered in her mind for a moment. “Remember, back in Ba Sing Se. And you turned around and betrayed me, betrayed all of us!”

Zuko felt her breath in small puffs as she allowed herself to get worked up. She stared at him, waiting for him to answer her. He felt as though she wanted him to throw himself down on his knees, _beg_ for her forgiveness, and plead at her feet that she was his sovereign. The thought stuck in his brain for a second and he felt a small tingle at the imagery. She was so close to him now. He felt as if he were a ship at sea, thrashing at the edge of a maelstrom, ready to be swallowed whole.

“What can I do to make it up to you?” Zuko asked quietly enough that his voice was almost lost to the sound of the waves crashing against the cliff below. His eyes shut, as if someone had just poured salt water into them. Tears stung behind his eyelids. He willed himself to recede, just as the waves crashing against the cliff face receded- yet they always pushed back in.

“You really want to know?” She said, the anger growing warmer in her chest. She could feel herself almost choking on the words, but it was the honesty that stung as it came up, ripping raw through her throat. “Hmm, maybe you could reconquer Ba Sing Se in the name of the Earth King! Or, I know! You could bring my mother back!” She pushed passed him once more, her shoulder connecting with his for the briefest of moments.

It felt like electricity- her anger- it was raw, powerful, and untamed. She had spit it out at him in frustration, but he knew that she’d be punishing herself for it later. That’s just who she was. He saw himself in that, a little bit, and the empathy emboldened him.

* * *

Zuko’s eyes were shocked with red veins that betrayed his lack of sleep. His hair was dampened slightly from the moisture of the night, like dew that clung to leaves in the sun. His body was cramped into position, now, having rested in the most uncomfortable poses as to not disturb the tent behind him, the ground below him, or the air around him. Finally, he heard a rustle.

“You look terrible.” There was no sympathy behind the tone of Katara’s voice as she stared down at him.

“I waited out here all night.” It was less of a ply for her pity and more of a disbelieving jab he was making at himself.

The waterbender crossed and stood in front of him, running her brush through her hair. The look on her face was one that was well rested, but one that was not any less frustrated by his presence. She looked soft, fresh.

“What do you want?” She asked.

“I know who killed your mother,” He stated flatly. She stopped. The look in her eyes was shock, yes, but they also flickered wildly with anticipation all of a sudden. He’d finally piqued her interest long enough for her to stop yelling at him. “And I’m going to help you find him.”

Her reaction to his words thrilled him for some reason.

* * *

The wind whipped through Katara’s hair as she steers Appa’s massive form through the sky. Her eyes are heavy for lack of sleep and her shoulders are hunched slightly. Zuko watches her from the far end of the saddle, as he had been for some time now. Whaletail Island was a fair distance behind them now, and he knew that every minute they approached their next destination that sleep was the furthest thing from her mind.

The ‘Old Zuko’ would have let her be and not provoked her any further than absolutely necessary. _Agni, the ‘Old Zuko’ wouldn’t even be doing this,_ he thought to himself. He shifted, scooting towards her until he sat directly next to her. Her focus ahead was unwavering.

“You should get some rest. We’ll be there in a few hours. You’ll need all your strength.” He held out his hand, offering to take the reigns but Katara declined.

“Oh, don’t you worry about my strength. I have plenty.” She shifted, stiffening and straightening her shoulders. “I’m not the helpless little girl I was when they came.”

Zuko resigned to her indignation for a moment before she spoke again.

“When the ships came, it all happened so quickly. I had no time to prepare. I was weak.”

“You were a child,” Zuko said, looking down as he reached a hand upward to graze his own scar, the product of his own childhood.

“She told me to leave. I could have stayed with her.”

“You didn’t know.” He parried again.

“Ugh, you don’t get it!” She turned away from him slightly, frustrated. Her back tensed up and she once again hunched, making herself small.

Zuko paused for a moment. _What is all this effort for? Because she doesn’t like me?_ His brain fought with him as he breathed in the salty air through his nostrils. _What’s so important about her liking me anyways?_ He exhaled as a million thoughts collided at once. He thought back to their interaction at the camp, and how her distrust in him cut through him like a knife. _Why? Why am I so insistent on her trusting me?_ He thought back further to the moment her arm rushed out to catch him as he fell, colliding into the very saddle he sat in now. _She saved me…_

She glanced back to him again, and her eyes caught the light from the sunset once again. It was as if lightning had struck him and compelled him to speak as he opened his mouth and pleaded with her.

“Then help me understand.”

Softening at this, Katara gazed at him for a short while before sighing. “I was running through the panic towards our home. There were raiders everywhere and people were screaming, just trying to get away. I was eight years old.”

Zuko listened quietly as she continued.

“My mother was sitting in our hut while a man towered over her. He was holding a knife to her.” She cringed at the memory. “She was so steadfast. I remember screaming at her when I arrived. I wanted her to get up, run with me, do something… She looked up at the man and told him that she’d give him the information that he wanted if he let me go. I didn’t know it at the time but the information he was looking for was about me- they were searching for the last Waterbender in the Southern Tribes.”

Zuko perked up. He had heard about raids on villages after the Avatar had disappeared to locate particular benders who might be next in the cycle, but he had always chalked them up to ancient history.

“The man had turned to me and was yelling something at me, but I didn’t hear it. I just stared at her. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get her face out of my head…” Katara’s voice was cracking slightly. “The man kept screaming, and she just kept staring at me, until she nodded her head slightly and closed her eyes. She told me to go find my father, and I just told her I was scared. The last memory she has of me is one of me weak, afraid…”

Zuko doesn’t know what compelled him to do so, but he reached out his hand and placed it on her shoulder. Warmth radiated from it and he could feel Katara tremble under its weight.

“She knew you, Katara.” He spoke after a moment. “She knew how strong you were.”

“I ran. I ran as fast as I could to get my father but by the time we got back, it was too late. The man was gone…” She choked on a small sob, “and so was she.”

Katara reached up and clutched the necklace around her neck. Zuko remembered the feeling of the silk wrapped around his wrist and inwardly chided himself for ever taking it from her.

“Your mother was a brave woman.” He said, taking his hand from her shoulder.

“I know.” 

* * *

The man’s form, crumpled and pathetic on the ground in front of them, was a horrifying sight to behold, but Zuko held steadfast. He replaced the look of raw fear, that Katara was fortunately too focused to notice, with the self-assured façade he’d put on his whole life as he bent down next to him.

“Don’t lie! You look her in the eye, and you tell me you don’t remember what you did!” Zuko barked loudly, the aggression in his voice causing the man to flinch. Katara felt it, as well, letting it bolster her aggression further.

Suddenly, his neck snapped backward and Katara stood above him, fear flooding his senses. Zuko stared at Katara’s eyes as they suddenly flicked to fear and shock and… _shame_?

“It’s not him.” She stated blankly, her grip on the man loosened as fast as it had tightened. “He’s not the man.” Indignity flushed throughout her and she felt dirty. She bit her lip to keep back the choking sobs that wanted so badly to tear from inside of her. She had just bent this man’s _blood_ , and it wasn’t even the man who was responsible for her mother’s death. Her hands gripped into fists and she dug her nails into her palms, feeling a warm stickiness dripping out like sap from a tree. She walked from the room, she needed to get out of there, and into the night sky where she could breathe.

Zuko’s eyes followed her as she stormed out of the cabin and back onto the deck. His heart fluttered in his chest, reverberating against the tide that pulled the ship back and forth. The past few days had proven trying, but the effort and perseverance he was putting in made him feel triumphant somehow, even if it was currently all for naught.

The man rising to his feet regained his composure, Zuko was reminded as to why they had come in the first place.

_I can’t let her down. I can’t mess this up. Not again. Not with her._

_“…it’s hard to forgive.”_

_“It’s not just hard, it’s impossible.”_

Zuko grabbed the commander by his collar and heaved him upwards, slamming him against the wall.

“If you’re not the man we’re looking for, who is?!”

* * *

“You’re _pathetic,_ ” the words cut through the air like the whips of water Zuko had become so familiar with. It was nice for her ire to be directed at someone else, he had to admit. “…and sad, and empty.”

“Please! Spare me!” The quivering man before her was a heap of useless flesh, crying and sobbing and spitting like an infant. The rain almost seemed to fall in zig-zags, wavering with the decision that Katara was trying to make.

She raked her brain for any assistance- any god, goddess, Tui, La, hell, she’d even take Agni right now if it meant she’d have some reassurance about this impossible decision. Her struggle was almost as brutal as the assault from the previous night, only this time, it was inside her head. She glanced over at him for a moment and he felt the rain stop. Zuko watched from afar, unsure of what to do as she became overwhelmed and her eyes darted back to Yon Rha.

“But as much as I hate you…I just can’t do it.”

Katara refused to even look at the man further, as all thoughts of her vengeance flushed from her mind like a tidal wave. She felt forgiveness, but not forgiveness towards Yon Rha. She felt angry-mostly at herself. She felt scared, like she was lost in the woods. Most of all, she felt sick.

The feeling in her gut began to creep further upwards and her throat was lined with the thick heaves as she walked away, leaving the man behind her forever. She did not look back, not even to see if Zuko was following behind her. Somehow, she knew he would be there, but she wasn’t ready to face him yet. She wasn’t even sure she was ready to face herself.

She tried to retain her composure, but once she felt as though she was out of sight, her knees buckled out from beneath her in a small outcropping of trees along the path. She closed her eyes and dug her fists into the mud as she felt herself drenched in her element. To others, it would be a nuisance. To her, it was a blanket. She retched into the grass in front of her, her entire body quivering.

It felt like an exorcism as she heaved. She felt the stinging, stinking bile in the back of her nose as it ripped through her. She never heard the footsteps approaching and barely noticed the hand on her back, soothing and petting her, while another was tangled sloppily in her hair to keep it out of her own sick. As she felt the last of it rise and she choked it back, gripping the hem of her black tunic like a prayer and breathing through the misery. _Misery_. That was a word truly suited for her right now. She was in it, deep, and it didn’t recede.

Katara reached her arm up to wipe her sleeve across her mouth and chin. She felt the pull of wanting to look up at the man who had ushered her through this experience, but she couldn’t. Her strength had waned almost completely, and she added embarrassment to the mix of heightened emotions that pressed into her chest like a balloon expanding inside of her.

She felt his arm lift itself from her back and it snaked across her shoulders. The touch was welcomed, and it broke the barrier that had been there for so long- unmoving, unwavering and unforgiving. It was replaced with a peace that neither Katara, nor Zuko had ever felt before. It was as if, together, they realized that they had been holding their breaths, and now was the exhale. She found herself fighting internally, but an external force acted on her as Zuko fell on his bottom in the dirt. In one swift motion he pulled her into his lap, his other hand releasing her hair and his fingers landing beneath her chin. He lifted her face to his.

His mouth hung open and shuddered for a moment as she stared into his eyes- tears had started to well and she choked out a sob as he pressed his lips to her forehead. They were soft and cold, possibly due to the rain. They trapped the droplets that had washed over between him and her, creating a tiny oasis where he breathed and cooed against her hair.

“Shhh, Katara,” He said, rocking her back and forth. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

He could feel the electricity of her skin against his mouth as he held her tightly. She sobbed quietly, her breath evening out as she felt her body expand and compress against him. She sucked her breath in as she opened her hands, her nails pulling from the sticky blood that adhered them to her palms. Zuko broke his connection from her, his lips suddenly feeling cold, and looked down, realizing what was distressing her, and for the moment, he wanted to alleviate at least the smallest part.

Zuko slipped his hand beneath hers, the top of her hand resting against his palm as he held them facing upwards, cupping them slightly to let the rain collect in the crevasses of her soft skin. He allowed her to work, holding her up through her exhaustion, as the tiny puddles that formed in her palms began to glow. They brightened in her eyes for a moment, casting her in a light of silver and serenity, then faded away as the water fell from her hands, leaving behind only soft, unpunctured skin and traces of flecked blood that had dried the night before.

Katara pushed up from him softly, her gaze never leaving his.

“We should probably get back, shouldn’t we?” She asked, softer than he’d ever heard her speak. It was as if she didn’t want to go, and her eyes betrayed that as she pleaded with him to keep her here, in this private moment, as long as he could.

* * *

Their ride back to camp had been quiet. The two hadn’t uttered a word to each other from the moment Katara collected herself and pressed forward through the silence, leading the way in trancelike fashion back to Appa. Zuko had followed, unable to find the words to comfort her any longer. His coos and shushing and sweet nothings that he had whispered over her had been lost to the sound of the rain and the sobs as she convulsed in his arms. When she was finally empty of them, she had left his warmth and crashed back to Earth and the brave new world that lie ahead of her- one that was just the tiniest bit more caring than it had been.

“Katara, are you okay?” Aang and Zuko approached Katara on the dock. The monks voice was soft and friendly.

She had wandered off by herself, and this time, Zuko took it to heart to not follow her. He stayed behind at the campsite and filled Aang in on the events that had transpired since they had departed. He knew that the pain was still raw, and he wouldn’t be one to keep the scab from healing.

“I’m doing fine.” She said.

Aang continued to stand behind her. Even he knew that he should concede the space to her that she needed.

“Zuko told me what you did. Or, what you didn’t do, I guess. I’m proud of you.” He smiled down at her.

“I wanted to do it.” She started, “I wanted to take out all my anger at him. But I couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s because I am too weak to do it, or because I’m strong enough not to.” The emotion of the day was raw on her tone, but she was too drained, too empty to let anymore out.

“You did the right thing. Forgiveness is the first step you have to take to begin healing.”

Such wisdom from such a young monk was something she’d never acclimate to.

“But I didn’t forgive him. I’ll _never_ forgive him.” She rose from the boardwalk slowly, her body still sore. She approached the two boys standing behind her. “But I am ready to forgive you.” She turned towards Zuko and a genuine smile flushed across her mouth as she stepped forward.

The pull between them was natural now and Zuko felt himself wrap his arms around her before he lost the moment. She was so soft, and she somehow smelled of lilac and gooseberries, but also of the summer sun and the sea. It was complex and confusing to him, reaching into a pocket of his mind and imprinting itself there. The scent of her before was stark and shocking- it hit him like guilt, and it came in pangs. Now, it bore itself into the part of his mind that was home to him. He wasn’t sure how she’d ended up there, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to let go. This hug had weight to it- sure, it was lighter than their collapsed, shivering forms on the side of a path in the rain, but it had the weight of release in it- it was, once again, the exhale.

She ended the contact reluctantly, her hands resting on his shoulders for just a moment as she smiled sweetly once more before walking away.

Aang turned to Zuko, joyfully oblivious to the raw electricity that snapped through Zuko’s veins.

“You were right about what Katara needed. Violence wasn’t the answer.” Zuko felt the buildup to his question sting as it ripped through and settled in the front of his mind.

“It never is.”

Zuko’s mind pressed down his thoughts about the waterbender for the first time in days, and he almost audibly scoffed. “Then I have a question for you- What are you going to do when you face my father?”

The question hung in the air like a thick, haunting mist.

* * *

The beach house was expansive, to say the least. The looming doors of the entrance opened creakily to reveal its contents. A small foyer opened up into a massive seating area where silhouettes of furniture sat patiently under large white sheets. The floor plan was open, as was common in the vacation homes of royalty in the Fire Nation. Everything had an air of being lived in, despite being covered in a thick layer of dust.

The seating area was dark- as was most of the house in its present state. Thick, red curtains heavily over the back wall, sealing the area from light, until Sokka pulled them back to reveal a large picture window overlooking the sea. Pulling on a small latch, he slipped the glass window open, allowing a breeze to take hold in the house almost immediately. The white sheets over the furniture flapped as the rest of the gang made their way inside slowly, exercising caution with every step.

Suki placed her bag down next to a large sofa and began to pull the sheet back, revealing an ornately decorated sitting-couch. It was a golden home-spun fabric that was decorated with pillows, all silk and all shades of red. A large cloud of dust puffed up before her, eliciting her to wrinkle her nose. Aang quickly bent a current of air to move the dust outside. Zuko stood before the picture window as everyone gathered around him.

“Do we really think this is a good idea?” Sokka asked. “This _is_ the Fire Lord’s beach house, after all.”

“No one will notice we’re here.” Zuko reassured him. “It’s like I said, my family hasn’t been here since we were happy. And that was a long time ago.”

The reassurance seemed to calm the anxiety in the air just ever so slightly, and everyone began to settle in. Aang plopped down on the sofa as Suki continued to remove sheets from the furniture and piled them into a heap on the floor in the corner. Toph decided to explore the outdoor grounds and had since made her way onto the back courtyard. Sokka had gone straight into the kitchen, which was just through an opening on the right, next to another opening that lead to a formal dining area.

There were no servant’s quarters in the main house, Katara noted to herself as she wandered idly down the one hallway to the left. The hallway contained many doors- all opened to bedrooms with adjoining washrooms, which were luxuries not often afforded to members of the house staff. The furnishings in the rooms were also too ornate for servants to afford. Katara silently praised herself for picking up on certain aspects of royal living from small brochures she had seen while the gang had traveled through the Fire Nation, and continued exploring.

The first room was small but contained a lofty bed with a canopy, a small writing desk, two side tables next to the bed, another large picture window hidden by long purple curtains and a sitting area. The décor was all decked in shades of red, pink and purple. It felt oddly feminine, Katara decided, and she assumed it to be Azula’s room. She felt a chill down her spine and moved on.

The next room was most certainly Zuko’s childhood bedroom. She didn’t even have to guess. There were pictures on the wall that appeared to be pasted on by a child. A few portraits of a woman in red with a small child on her lap, babbling and smiling up at her, or a gloomy looking child tugging at her sleeve, were scattered throughout along the walls. A large, faded poster for a play- something about dragons- hung idly tacked on the wall next to the large canopy bed, who’s curtains had mild singes peppered across them. An unused pai sho table sat in the corner, shoved aside and covered in a thick layer of dust for lack of use. It was almost hidden behind a large chaise lounge, also with small singes in the fabric, that faced the window. No curtains on the windows in this room, Katara thought, wondering if they, too, had been burned at one point and never replaced. She chuckled quietly to herself, imagining an infant Zuko practicing his firebending in such close quarters. The light of the day cast a warm glow over the room, and she pulled the door shut quietly as she moved on.

There were two other rooms before the bend in the hallway, which was a sharp ninety-degree angle leading towards a singular set of double doors at the end of it. Katara decided to pass the other two rooms- assuming them to be guests’ quarts- and approached the large door. The handle was an ornate carving of vines that encircled outward. Along the vines were small thorns, and Katara thought it somewhat odd for such decorations to be present in a _fire nation_ home. She pressed her hand to the door handle, feeling the cool metal against her warm fingertips. The scent that drifted between the crack in the door hit her in the face as she jiggled the handle to no avail. It almost stopped her- it smelled of cinnamon and stone, warm cloves and a scent she had come to know as fire whiskey. It smelled _familiar_. She played with the handle again, thinking it was maybe just stuck, until-

“That was my father’s room.”

Turning around, her face flush with redness and she reached her hand up to smooth down her hair.

“Oh! Zuko! Of course, I…” She said, embarrassment staining her cheeks.

“No, I don’t mind.” He said. He pulled a small object from his pocket and held it out to her. It was a key. “He always kept his room locked, whether he was here or not. Too bad I saw where he put the key once.” He smiled softly, seeming to recall a childhood memory. The smile quickly faded.

“Zuko, I…I’m sorry,” she said, placing her hand up to decline the key, “I shouldn’t have been snooping. It’s not polite.”

Zuko shrugged innocently and placed it back in his pocket. He looked Katara over for a moment. She seemed uncomfortable, as if something were bothering her both at the tip of her tongue and the front of her mind. He knew if he were to ask, she would not say. He knew it was fruitless to try.

“It’s really alright, Katara. I don’t mind. You opened up to me, I should return the courtesy.” He turned back towards the bend in the hallway and stopped briefly. “I don’t think I’ll be sleeping in his room, if that’s what you were wondering.” He volunteered the information with his back still towards the waterbender then walked away, leaving Katara feeling embarrassed still.

* * *

Katara and Toph lounged in the courtyard of the beach house, basking in the warm, salty air. The gang had settled in hours ago and Aang had decided to meditate, leaving the others as he chose a spot in the courtyard and folded his legs over each other, disappearing into an entirely different plane of consciousness. Sokka and Suki had decided that a supply run was in order, and much to their chagrin, Toph had loudly declared that they just wanted more time alone to make goo-goo eyes at each other as they made their way down the path into the town. Zuko had wandered off for some time, leaving the girls to assume he was off brooding somewhere. This left an air of peace over the estate that Katara craved to relish in. It was one of the rare moments of silence she’d have, and Toph had decided to take full advantage of it with her. No bending to teach right now, no thinking about the coming fight, just two girls relaxing in the hot summer sun.

Then just as suddenly as it had started, their bliss was over.

“You guys are not gonna believe this!” Sokka was panting as he jogged into the courtyard, brandishing a rolled-up piece of parchment that he waved in the air. “There’s a play about us!”

Suki snatched the paper from Sokka’s hand with a smirk and unrolled it, displaying it for the gang who clamored around it in almost childlike fascination.

“What? How is that possible?” Katara asked.

“What’s everyone looking at?” Zuko approached the group from inside the house, taking a quick look at the piece of parchment as Sokka read aloud.

“ _The Boy in the Iceberg is a new production from acclaimed playwright Pu-on Tim, who scoured the globe gathering information on the Avatar, from the icy South Pole to the heart of Ba Sign Se. He sources include singing nomads, pirates, prisoners of war, and a surprisingly knowledgeable merchant of cabbage.”_

“Brought to you by the critically acclaimed Ember Island Players!” Suki finished.

“Ugh! My mother used to take us to see them. They butchered _Love Amongst the Dragons_ every year!” Zuko scowled. Katara quietly remembered the poster on the wall in his room and made a mental note of it. “Did you guys actually even get any supplies while you were in town?”

“Hey! Don’t change the subject- we’re definitely going to see this, right?!” Sokka was entirely enthralled by the idea, as was Suki, as they mockingly linked arms and paraded around the group, doing their best imitation of snobby nobility.

Aang giggled, but Katara looked less amused.

“Do you guys really think it’s a good idea for us to attend a play about ourselves? I mean, won’t it make it easier for people to, I don’t know…recognize us?” Katara’s interest was piqued, she had to admit, but the total shirking of the safety of the beach house annoyed her, which was mirrored in Zuko’s mannerisms as he grabbed the flier from Sokka as he passed.

“Knowing the Ember Island Players’ work, it’ll be terrible, and odds are the actors won’t even look anything remotely like us.” He said, slightly under his breath, hoping to discourage any further discussion on the matter.

“Oh, come on! A day at the theater? This is the kind of wacky, time-wasting nonsense I’ve been missing!” Sokka snatched the paper back from Zuko, sprinting over to hide behind Toph as the firebender eyed him with disdain.

“I guess it’d be okay, Katara. Zuko even says they won’t even look like us.” Aang’s eyes beamed up at Katara in a plea.

She sighed audibly and threw her hands up in defeat. She was exhausted and had no fight in her- not about this. All the energy she’d spend trying to- unsuccessfully- convince the others to _not_ go to the silly play would just push her past her breaking point, and she needed to conserve that rage for things to come.

The others seemed gleeful at her surrender. All except Zuko. He huffed back into the beach house and back down the hallway. The rest of the gang followed behind him, each making their way to their respective rooms that they had chosen- Sokka had taken up in Azula’s old room, Suki following him in. Toph had made her own rock lean-to in the courtyard, but she swiftly ducked into the main washroom that was behind another door just off the foyer to prepare. Aang was mumbling something excitedly to Katara as they walked down the hallway towards the rooms they had chosen- Aang in the room furthest down the hall before the corner, and Katara in the one next to it, but Katara paid him no mind right now. Something had caught her eye briefly, and she watched as Zuko rounded the corner and ducked into his father’s bedroom, finally understanding where he had spent the bulk of afternoon.

* * *

“Hey, uh…I wanted to sit there.”

Zuko looked up, the young airbender’s excited face dropping into a pout as he pointed to Zuko’s seat. To Zuko’s right was Katara, and to her right was Toph, leaving Aang in a predicament that he was not entirely expecting.

“Just sit next to me. What’s the big deal?” Zuko replied nonchalantly, removing his hood and getting comfortable in the seat.

“I was just…I wanted to…” Aang peered around Zuko to Katara, who was engaged in quiet giggles with Toph, paying very little attention to anything else at the present. “Okay.” He resigned, taking the seat next to Zuko. Sokka filed into the row behind them, taking a seat next to Suki. He threw his arm around Suki and snuggled in close to her, as Aang looked back at them, disheartened.

“Why are we sitting in the nosebleed section? My feet can’t see anything from up here!” Toph said, turning back to Sokka in an accusatory fashion.

“Don’t worry,” Katara placed her hand on the young earthbender’s arm. “I’ll tell your feet what’s happening.” She said, eliciting a small giggle from Toph as the curtain rose.

Upon the stage was an elaborate set of what Katara assumed was supposed to be the South Pole. An actor and actress were rowing in a boat, and at once Katara felt her cheeks flush red with embarrassment. The actress was clad in what resembled typical South Pole attire- a garment fairly similar to her own Water Tribe skins- with one distinct difference. The actress had a very well endowed and somewhat over-exposed chest.

From behind her, Sokka grabbed his sister’s shoulder and enthusiastically pointed at her, himself, and the stage entirely, gesturing to Suki who ‘shushed’ him and pulled him back into his seat. Katara rolled her eyes and prepared for the worst.

“Sokka! My only brother! We constantly roam these icy South Pole seas, and yet never do we find anything fulfilling!”

“All I want is a full feeling in my stomach! I’m starving!”

There was thunderous laughter from the audience and Katara heard a slight, breathy chuckle come from beside her. She looked up to her left to see a warm, distracted smile across Zuko’s face. The sight struck her, and she felt captivated by it. As scenes and lighting changed on the stage, she noticed it play off the color of his eyes. The golden pools held steadfast to the stage, and she could hear the actor’s playing their lines in enthusiastic imitation. It was the first time that she had seen Zuko smile genuinely at something, without worry or fear of the world around him, and she was enthralled in the prospect of his actual happiness without weight of the coming storms.

“Waterbend, hy-ah!” Katara heard the actress say on stage, eliciting another soft chuckle from Zuko who turned to her suddenly, noticing her staring.

His eyes caught her and in a moment, his glance went from kind and playful to concerned.

“Are you okay, Katara? You’re not watching.” He said, placing his hand on what he thought was the armrest. Katara felt the warmth of his fingers brush up against her thigh for a moment as he pulled back suddenly, his cheek flushing with red.

“I-uh, I’m fine.” She said, turning back towards the stage and sinking further into her seat, hugging her arms across her chest and nestling just a little further from Zuko. She felt his eyes linger on her for just a moment longer, then he conceded and turned his attention back towards the play, just in time for his big entrance.

A model of a Fire Nation ship prop slid haphazardly onto the stage from the left, coming to an abrupt halt center stage and jostling the actors slightly.

“Prince Zuko, you _must_ try this cake!” A portly, round-faced actor with exaggerated hairstyle and sideburns graced the stage holding a large platter of cake with a slice missing.

“I don’t have time to stuff my face!” The Zuko on stage sent chills down Katara’s spine for a much different reason than the real Zuko next to her most recently had.

The costume was impeccable, real Fire Nation military garb most likely considering the playwright’s origin. The actor’s demeanor certainly mimicked Zuko’s fairly well, as Fake Zuko turned to his fake ‘uncle’.

“I must capture the Avatar to regain my honor!” The actor barked, pulling a telescope from his eye that he had been gazing through, and Katara noticed immediately what was slightly off about this actor’s portrayal: the infamous scar, the rough edging of the burnt skin around Zuko’s left eye, was on the wrong side of this actor’s face. She felt mild relief wash over her at the now easy distinction between the two.

Katara felt Zuko shift in the seat next to her and looked at him once more, this time with a smug smile as he slunk down and crossed his arms as well. He was clearly displeased with the actor’s portrayal and tried to make himself small as his friends took notice.

“They make me look totally stiff and humorless.” He whispered quietly to Katara.

“I think that actor’s pretty spot on.” She was slightly amused, although she had to admit her complacency at the remark was somewhat cruel.

“How could you say that?” He asked, letting his arms drop in question out in front of him. From behind him, Sokka ‘shushed’ him loudly as the play continued.

“Let’s forget about the Avatar and get massages!” Fake Iroh was entirely at ease. It almost made Katara wonder how the real Iroh had caught up with them so easily so many times.

“How could you say that?!” Fake Zuko barked loudly, and Katara had to stifle a giggle, still slightly smug.

* * *

“So far, this intermission is the best part of the play.”

Zuko sat on the steps outside of the main performance hall with the rest of the group, the scar on his cheek hidden under the hand that rested on his knee. He felt warm, yet cold at the same time.

“Apparently the playwright thinks I’m an idiot who tells bad jokes about meat all the time!” Sokka plopped down on the steps next to Suki, holding a bag of fire flakes.

“Yeah, you tell bad jokes about plenty of other topics.” Suki said, rolling her eyes and shoving his shoulder playfully. Toph chuckled.

“I know!” Sokka popped a fire flake into his mouth. His bewilderment at the comment only heightened Toph’s entertainment.

“At least the Sokka actor kind of looks like you. The woman playing the Avatar doesn’t look anything like me!” Aang balled his fists, more frustrated about the portrayal than Katara thought he should be.

She placed a hand on his shoulder as Toph interjected. “I don’t know, Twinkle Toes, you are more in touch with your feminine side than most guys.” Toph stated, with no mean intent as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Aargh!” Aang stood up and began to walk back inside. The rest of the gang followed suit as an announcer decried the intermission would be ending in one minute.

“Relax, Aang, they’re not accurate portrayals. It’s not like I’m some preachy crybaby who can’t resist giving overemotional speeches about hope all the time.” She said, smiling, until she noticed the rest of the group looking at her as she took her seat. “What?”

“Yeah, that’s not you, _at all_.” Aang slunk down in his chair and threw a glare in Katara’s direction, only to be cut off by Zuko’s appearance between them as he took his seat.

The show continued eliciting reactions from the group as the drama played out in full satirical fashion in front of them. Toph became overly excited at the prospect of being played by an incredibly bulky and muscular man; more ambiguity over the fate of Jet was cast; all was well until the scene Katara had been dreading began to play out in front of her, like a nightmare on repeat.

The set’s depiction of the Crystal Catacombs under Ba Sing Se was fairly accurate, Katara noted, but the portrayal of the events that transpired down there was heavily skewed. She wondered how someone would have had the knowledge to even recant the conversation that took place between her and Zuko, and she wasn’t surprised at the creative freedoms that were taken to reenact it.

“I have to admit, Prince Zuko, I _really_ find you attractive!” Fake Katara was standing in the mock cave as she played her lines in an overly dramatic and almost annoying fashion. Each word was like a dagger into Katara, no matter how satirical.

“You don’t have to make fun of me.” Fake Zuko’s hurt was palpable as he sat on a rock bench at the far side of the stage.

“But I mean it!” The actress crossed the stage and took a seat next to Fake Zuko. “I’ve had eyes for you since the day you first captured me!” The two actors became uncomfortably close, and Aang began to grow weary of the sight playing out in front of him. He glanced at Katara and Zuko to try to gauge their reactions but could deduce nothing from their stoic faces. Katara had steeled herself. Zuko had tried, his lips pursed tightly as he watched in annoyance.

“Wait.” Fake Zuko paused for a long moment. Aang’s anxiety grew more rampant until the next line. “I thought you were the Avatar’s girl!” Relief washed over the Avatar for the briefest of moments.

Aang nodded in appreciation until the Fake Katara’s musical laughter flooded the theater. “The Avatar? Why, he’s like a little brother to me! I certainly don’t think of him in any romantic way! Besides, how could he ever find out about…this?!” The actress’s voice grew sultrier as she began lifting her leg into the waiting hand of Fake Zuko as he wrapped it around his waist. Their embraced carried on for what felt like hours.

Aang stood, blocking Sokka’s view for a moment as he clenched his fists in fury.

“Oh, hey are you getting up?” The warrior asked Aang who paid him now mind. “Can you get me some fire flakes!? Oooh! And fire gummies!” He leaned forward to whisper loudly as the Avatar crept out the door. Suki rolled her eyes once more as Sokka settled back in and put his arm around her once more.

“Choose treachery! It’s more fun!” Fake Iroh had taken the stage again, drinking from a tea cup. He winked and gave a thumbs up at his haphazardly comical line.

An actress portraying Azula had since taken stage and was standing between the Fake Iroh and Fake Zuko. She scoffed loudly at the Fake Iroh’s suggestion.

“No way!” She cried, her nasal voice ripping through the auditorium to mild cheers.

Suddenly, Fake Zuko stomped across the stage to Fake Iroh, pushing him down. “I hate you, Uncle! You smell and I hate you for all time!” Fake Zuko hurried back over to Fake Azula as a prop Earth Kingdom flag fell on the downed Fake Iroh.

“You didn’t really say that, did you?” Katara’s eyes stayed fixed on the stage and she could barely tell whether she had actually asked the question out loud or not.

“I might as well have.” Zuko replied, feeling tears welling behind his eyes. As ridiculous as the portrayal was, he could still feel the sting of his betrayal to his uncle and it ate at him.

An actress portraying Mai had taken the stage now, her and a fake Ty Lee taking out guards as the Fake Azula throws ‘fire’ at Fake Aang.

“The Avatar is no more!” Fake Azula claimed victory to raucous applause and the curtain dropped to signal the second intermission.

The gang once again left their seats to stretch their legs, regrouping in the hallway outside the auditorium.

“It seems like every time there’s a big battle, you guys barely make it out alive.” Suki tossed her hair as she directed her comments at no one in particular. “I mean, you guys lose a lot!”

“You’re one to talk, Suki.” Sokka’s annoyance was prevalent in his voice. “Didn’t Azula take you captive? Oh yeah, that’s right! She did!” He poked his finger hard into her shoulder.

“Are you trying to get on my bad side?” Suki jeered back, leaning into Sokka’s now fearful face.

“I’m just saying-“

“Does anyone know where Aang is?” Katara interjected, noticing for the first time that the Airbender had been gone for quite some time.

“He left to get me fire gummies, like, ten minutes ago. And I’m still waiting!” Sokka barked as Katara turned to make her way towards the balcony at the end of the hall.

“I’m going to check outside.” She waved her hand in a motion that directed them to return to their seats without her. She strolled into the night sky, feeling the eb and flow of the moon above her creeping into her bloodstream. It was a stronger connection than any she had ever felt. When the moon was full, it was if she could feel the water around her in everything- in the air, in the wine that the theater patrons drank, in the blood of those she was in close proximity to. She searched outside on the expansive balcony for just a moment before her eyes finally landed on Aang. She felt relief once more at the sight of her friend, but her heart jumped into her throat at his expression.

Aang didn’t remember standing up. He didn’t remember storming out of the theater. He remembered nothing, in fact, until he stopped at the balcony under the salty air and the light of the full moon as the white-hot rage faded from him. He threw his head back and stared at the stars. It felt like hours before he heard another voice, the rage growing in his veins as he felt his hormones spiraling out of control.

“Are you all right?”

Her voice was like salvation to him as he felt his anger well up- a confusing mix of emotions overtaking him.

“No, I’m not!” Aang barked at Katara as she approached him quietly. “I hate this play!” He yanked the hat off of his head and threw it on the ground. Katara knelt down to pick it up, feeling for the first time his anger from above her.

The Avatar towered over her on her knees as she gripped the soft fabric of the cap between her hands, running her fingertips over it. She had never seen him so worked up about something that seemed so trivial, frankly, and she didn’t like it.

“I know it’s upsetting,” she said, rising to meet his gaze from just slightly above his eyeline. “But it sounds like you’re overreacting.”

Katara tried to hand the cap back to him but he turned away. “Overreacting?! If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!”

It took a moment, but Katara was able to make him take the cap and begin to listen to reason.

“Did you really mean what you said in there?” Aang asked after some time in the silence.

“In where? What are you talking about?” She seemed truly confused, which only frustrated the young airbender further. They had barely had a conversation since they arrived at the theater.

“On stage, when you said…I was just like a…like a brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.” Sorrow filled his voice as he grasped at the words, feeling the bile rise in his throat as he remembered the depiction of the actors embrace.

“I didn’t say that. An actor said that.” Katara stated as it if were the easiest fact to comprehend in the world. She forgot herself, sometimes, and that although Aang was the Avatar, he truly was still just a teen who had yet to truly get a grip of his own emotions.

“But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.”

His words pressed into the air and Katara could feel herself cringe. How could she deny him, with everything weighing on his shoulders? She felt the weight of the decision cutting into her. He was right, after all, they had shared a kiss. They had also shared many other things, she thought, and she pushed the idea of setting aside her autonomy from her mind. _Life isn’t a play, Aang,_ she thought.

“Aang,” she started softly, trying to find a semblance of what she wanted to say. “I don’t know-“

“Why don’t you know?” He cut her off.

“Because, we’re in the middle of a war, and…well, we have other things to worry about. This isn’t the right time.” She fumbled with the words as they fell out of her mouth, trying to find the gentlest landing.

“Well, when is the right time?” He pressed.

“Aang, I’m sorry, but right now I am just a little confused.“ Katara sighed at his reaction to the words, letting the apology sink in.

She was blindsided when she felt his lips crash into hers and her mind raced suddenly. It raced with confusion, it raced it fear, but most of all it raced with anger. She pressed her hands into Aang’s shoulders and pushed him away. She let the rage loose.

“I just said I was confused!” She shouted at him, drawing some attention from another couple at the far end of the balcony. She gathered herself and turned away. “I’m going back inside.”

Aang blushed furiously, sloppily pulling his hat back on and nodding with a nervous grin at the couple who had gone back to some mild petting and whispering sweet nothings back and forth in the moonlight toward the end of the balcony. He only wished he’d had the same thing, someone willing to lose themselves with him for a quiet moment together.

* * *

“That…was not a good play.”

The team walked leisurely back to the beach house in the late evening, the worry of being spotted or recognized disintegrated entirely for the late hour. Shopkeepers had shut long before, and the only open café in the town had begun to close as well, the tea-server sweeping the patio as they walked by. The air had cooled significantly, and Sokka had draped his arm over Suki’s shoulder to share her warmth. Katara trailed further behind the rest of the group as they all shared reactions about the play.

“But the effects were decent!” Sokka said triumphantly as they approached the grove of trees that shrouded the path to the estate.

The walk wasn’t long enough for any discomfort to surface between Katara and Aang after their vivid conversation. The gang entered the quiet house and made their way to their respective rooms. No one said a word when Sokka and Suki entered a room together, shutting the door behind them as they giggled. Toph had already vanished onto the courtyard and her small rock-formed shack, not to be seen again until morning. Aang had all but bolted for his room and had shut the door quickly when he entered, bidding a polite goodnight to the rest of the gang as he did so.

Katara entered the house slowly herself, making it in only after the rest of the group had dispersed. The moonlight crept into every open window, striking dramatically against the glass and creating a lamp-like effect with its clarity. Although it rang through, brightening the entire home like it were still twilight, she couldn’t discount the feeling of it purely on her skin- the reason she hung back further than everyone so she could savor it just a little longer. A glass pane breaking that connection never had the same effect. She began to turn towards the hallway when she noticed Zuko fluffing a pillow on the end of the sofa. Their gazes caught once more, like a mouse in a trap.

“Are you sleeping out here?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper to not disturb the others as they lazily drifted off into dreams.

“Oh, Katara. Sorry, I didn’t notice you there.” He lied through slightly gritted teeth. He, in fact, _had_ noticed her, but he was hoping after their embarrassment at the theater that she’d rush to her room without noticing him.

“There’s still a room free, you know. My brother has decided that we’re all old enough now that he and Suki no longer have to be discreet about their… _activities_.” She said, sighing and making a mental note to try to rummage together some dandelion tea for Suki in the morning. “Technically, there’s two rooms free.”

“I know. I prefer it out here.” Zuko said matter-of-factly, sitting down on the sofa. He stared lazily into the darkened hearth that stretched out before him. Katara crossed into the room further, pulling a lounge chair from beside the sofa to directly in front of it, separating Zuko and the hearth. She sunk into it, just inches from where Zuko sat.

“You know, if there’s one thing that has surprised me about the Fire Nation, it’s the fireplaces.” She said, as if trying to change the subject to something more superficial.

“Why so?”

“Well,” she pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged her knees as she leaned against one of the ornately carved arms on the chair, “they’re so large. You’d think in a nation full of Fire Benders that everyone is just always…warm.”

“That’s kind of silly.” Zuko dismissed her comment, comforting her slightly with his typical, somewhat annoyed tone. “You all have tons of water and ice down in the South Pole, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but it’s not the same.” She said. She felt an argument brewing, along with a sense of normalcy. “We can’t just pull our element out of thin air.”

“I’d have to disagree. I’ve seen you bend _blood_ , Katara. There’s water everywhere.” He spoke before he thought and felt himself in trouble as Katara’s eyes dropped.

Katara’s gaze rested on the floor, avoiding his entirely now. The mention of her abilities, the ones that frightened her most, was not the way to send her off for the evening. The Prince backtracked.

“And besides,” he stuttered on his words as they formed, “Firebenders don’t pull fire out of _thin air_. Only _airbenders_ can pull things out of thin _air_.” He paused for a moment and let his…if you could call it a _joke_ , sink in.

A small smile plucked at Katara’s lips, much to her dismay. How _dare_ her mind betray her and allow her to laugh at that hideous excuse for a pun?! Silence fell over them for a moment.

“Look, I-“

“Zuko, I’m-“

They started in unison, startled back into silence, until Katara broke it once more. “You first,” she said.

“I can’t sleep in my room, and I certainly can’t sleep in my father’s room.” Zuko stated as he found himself absentmindedly pulling his legs up onto the couch, leaning back against the pillow. He opened his palm and let the tiniest of flames dance in it as he felt Katara stare at him quietly, waiting for him to continue. “I keep remembering _her_. Everytime I step foot in my old room and see the pictures, see the poster for that stupid play, smell the air that has the slightest hint of lavender in it… And if I were to sleep in my father’s room, well, that wouldn’t be much better.”

Katara wondered for a moment who the ‘her’ was that Zuko was referring to, then it clicked. The pictures on the wall, the poster from the play, the memories must have washed over him in quick succession as they had chosen their hiding place, and he had pushed them all back for the reprieve of shelter. The weight of his sacrifice and the pain he must be feeling became palpable to Katara, all of a sudden, and she leaned forward and reached out to him. Her hand grazed over the top of his palm, ignoring the flame that lapped there. It extinguished at her touch, yet his hand felt all the warmer as she pressed her fingers into it, tracing the line that creased it so gingerly.

“I don’t mind moving from my room, you know,” she started, whispering as they heard the overlapping of giggles and sighs from behind the wall where her brother and his girlfriend fooled quietly. She sighed. “I mean, I’d have to listen to _that_ all night, but it might not be so bad sleeping in your bed.” She blushed as she realized what she said, and her eyes drew up to meet his as he smiled almost darkly at her. “I mean! Not like that- your room, your _old_ room. You can sleep in the one I took, if you’d like.”

Zuko shook his head solemnly. “The room you’re sleeping in, well, it was _hers_. She always liked to sleep near her children.” He looked away from her as she looked down.

“Oh…Well, your father’s room is…” She trailed off as she noticed him shiver at the mention of his father over the quiet in the night. In the light of day, the monsters never seem so scary.

“Not an option.” Zuko’s tone was laced with anger, but he remained gentle in his decline of her offer. “I will sleep perfectly fine out here, you know. We _have_ been sleeping on the ground for quite some time now. This will be a welcome change of pace.” He chuckled. “If anything, I might be more comfortable out on the courtyard like Toph. She seems to have made herself right at home.”

“She does that,” Katara smiled again and pushed herself up from the chair. She glanced around the room for a moment and Zuko eyed her inquisitively.

“What are you doing?” He asked as she walked past him and towards a walnut colored armoire that sat in the corner. She opened the creaky doors, cringing at the violently loud noise that echoed in the halls. She waved her hand in front of her face as a cloud of dust choked her. Reaching up on her tip-toes, she retrieved an ornately quilted coverlet style blanket from the top shelf. She brushed it off and unfurled it.

Zuko felt the comfort of her near him again like a memory, even before she plopped back down. Even before Katara lifted her legs to use the sofa as an extension of the lounge chair; even before she had playfully patted his knee to get him to move his legs to one side as he lifted them onto the chair. She flicked her wrists upward, blanketing them in the coverlet and creating a nest of warmth between the two, broken only by the lack of cover underneath where their legs each created a bridge. The way they were sitting was awkward to be sure- Zuko’s legs were much longer than hers and they bent slightly at the knee as his feet tucked in behind her bottom. She took advantage of this and rested her arm across them, leaning her head into her shoulder and snuggling closer for his warmth.

“Wh-what are you doing?” He asked once more, watching as she shifted to get comfortable. He felt her legs fully flushed against his now, his ankle grazing her hip and her toes tickling his thigh as one foot rested next to hip and the other tucked under the cushion of the couch.

She sighed audibly as she found her spot, nestling into the warmth of the blanket. “If you’re going to sleep out here tonight, so am I.” She said, as if it were the easiest, most obvious choice in the world. It was foreign to him and innocent enough to her. At least, she didn’t blush as he was.

“Katara, I don’t think it’s appropriate for us…”

“Hmm?” Her voice was even softer now, if that were even possible, as she began to drift off into sleep. One last coherent thought made it through her lips as if she had prepared it, needing to relinquish it before the night overtook her.

Her light snores played like music in his ears as she felt her shimmy and shift into sleep and Zuko wondered what she had meant. She fell asleep so easily, he thought, something that had always been impossible for him. Her soft, brown skin was raw against his and he felt himself becoming excited in ways that would typically keep boys of his age up at night.

Of course, he knew the position was compromising. Of course, he knew that, should her brother- or Agni forbid, the Avatar- see them like this, he’d be answering for it possibly at the end of multiple sets of fists. The innocence of the gesture, in her mind, was apparent. But his mind flickered wildly from soft kisses he stole from Mai occasionally, to the concubines his father would strut about the palace, to the breath from his very own lips gracing Katara’s skin and the tiny oasis of rainwater captured between them as he held her some days before. He found himself implanting the image of a certain waterbender in all of those memories and more- into the quiet, quick kisses in corners of the palace and elsewhere; into the silks draped over soft mocha skin in the bed of a king; into the quiet, panting moans that he could hear from hallways away, only this time, they were mixed with his own…His eyes were clenched shut as he tilted his body slowly, angling that crux between his legs away from her to keep her from accidentally grazing against it, as Agni knows he wouldn’t be sure of what to do should she feel it.

Zuko began to sweat- something he didn’t do very often considering firebenders often learn to regulate their own body temperatures before even being able to control the temperature of the fire at their command. He wondered if she could feel the moisture condensing on his skin. She was always so in-tune with her element, he thought, as he remembered back to the moment his foot hit the pool of water and disrupted her thoughts on the night she swore he would have no forgiveness from her. He thought to her blood bending, although guilt panged him as he did. The ability seemed to elicit some sort of trauma in her, and he mentally noted to himself to avoid bringing it up in the future unless she pressed the topic herself.

He wanted nothing more than to toss and turn, to thrash about until he could press all of this frustration and restricted energy into the air and expel it from his body. He wanted to exorcise the need that was growing inside of him, all because of her. The beauty of her soft, restful face as she slept sent a sadness through him. He thought of what would happen if he slid off of the sofa and found somewhere else to rest. Would she notice him leave? Her legs were cooler against his than he thought, so she must be snuggling closer for warmth, right? Or was it something else…? Something unsaid that compelled her to the him that night...? He wondered if it were brazen of her in her own mind, or if she would have done this had he been Aang instead? Or Suki? Or anyone other than him?

His thoughts came and went in rapid succession as he screwed his eyes shut, slowly over what felt like hours allowing the tension to release. He sighed in and out, regulating his breathing and thinking of all things sinful and not. He only realized how exhausted he truly was when sleep finally overtook him.

* * *

As the scent of the morning dew drifted in from the window, Zuko’s eyes blinked open softly and wondered if he was still dreaming. It was not yet dawn, he noticed, as he looked around through squinted slits that were crusted over with sleep still. The memories of the previous evening washed over him, and he took notice of his shifted position. His legs were splayed out under the blanket that was draped over him and the chair that his feet were propped on. The warmth of the woman who had fallen asleep so quickly next to him had faded entirely, replaced by a chill of the morning air creeping in through the open window. He had wondered who had opened it and became slightly panicked.

Zuko bolted up, finding himself gasping for breath as he made his way to the open window. The earbender could be heard snoring loudly and paid him no mind- a good sign, as he recalled that even in sleep, Toph could judge the footsteps of whoever approached her. He let his mind ease as the thought of an intruder was extinguished. His gaze followed a path that wound down to the beach as he noticed a single set of footprints pressed into the sand. Deciding to investigate, he followed down as the light of the sun broke over the horizon.

Zuko hugged his arms close to his chest, breathing in the cleansing saltwater mist that hung in the air. It was a thick fog today, a sign of good luck to Waterbenders, and he heard light splashing from the shore. As he crept closer, his toe grazed something soft on the beach. It was only then that he noticed what it was.

A small bundle of red cloth, folded neatly, topped with a ribbon like material that was draped haphazardly enough to form no congruent pattern, but carefully enough to avoid hitting the sand.

He made no sound as he noticed the woman in the water and his breath left him entirely.

She was standing knee-deep in the ocean, letting the spray splash at her skin. Although things were foggy, Zuko could make out the outline of her nude form as she spread her legs apart and took a tree-like stance. She was rooted, and Zuko couldn’t help but stare as he thought of how the mud would squish between her toes, and how she would welcome the feeling. Although she wasn’t an earthbender, she had a certain connection to the earth that kept her grounded. Her arms were like a river as they moved fluidly around her, encircling her in ribbons of water, shaping and reshaping at her command. It was like watching the ocean be made, and Zuko was entranced by it.

Katara shifted in and out of forms while the sun crept over the water behind her, the moon anchoring itself behind the tree line to the West. She felt goosebumps form on her skin as she noticed the break in the dense fog behind her, like a sugar cube being dropped into hot tea- although the enhancement of the full moon was dwindling, it was still survived by a connection to her element that she had honed over practice. Her spirit could make out the features that the morning dew clung to, and she could almost smell the cinnamon of his hair and skin. Although her body would not stiffen, anxiety crept inside of her like tendrils, grasping a hold of her wrists and ankles, causing her movement to become ever so slightly more erratic.

A thousand thoughts rushed in as she let the water collapse around her. She heard his gasp and flaunted herself in it, allowing him to take her in while never letting him become privy of her knowledge of his presence. She sunk further into the water, walking towards the beckoning sea as the cold took her up to her shoulders. She dove under for a moment then emerged, facing towards the beach this time and swimming across the surface.

Her mind faltered for a moment as she stood in the water, wading slightly up the sand. More of her skin became exposed and glistened in the small bits of sunshine that parted the mist in front of her. She heard shifting, and she noticed some bushes rustling just feet away from where she had placed her clothing neatly in a pile. She emerged from the water completely, bending down to pick up her freshly folded outfit and slip it on, bending the water from her hair. She turned back to the ocean momentarily and heard more rustling, smiling softly to herself. She could still feel the softest golden eyes on her, but she made no move to betray her inclination of his presence, still.

“Katara! Where are you?! We need to practice a bit before Zuko gets up!”

The sound of the young Avatar echoed down the pathway as she rolled her eyes suddenly, not knowing the watcher in the bushes mimicked her exact expression. As she made her way up the path once more, she didn’t have to look up to know he had gone just as suddenly as he had come.


	2. An obvious connection I tried to push aside, into a corner on the darkest shelf...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading- and for the kudos! So sorry about the long wait for this chapter. I promise the remaining chapters will not be this long of a wait. I am working on finding my stride with writing and am hoping to produce the best content for you guys, which takes some time.
> 
> Anyway, I also want to just state that some of this chapter is formatted to take place in the 'present day' part of the story- whereas the rest is taking place in the past. I originally set up this chapter and wrote it completely differently, but I hated the way I was writing Iroh (he'll make an appearance soon, promise!) so that got scrapped. Anyways, without further ado, I present, Private Conversation.

_An obvious connect, I tried to push aside_

_Into a corner on the darkest shelf…_

The numbness crept through Zuko as he flung his agile wrists forward, the fire launching haphazardly across the practice field. He could feel the mix of sweat and dirt under his bare feet, sinking his toes into the mud he’d created. The flames whipped and whirled through the air before flickering out in wild succession, singing the edges of distant targets of wet hay and empty, warped fire-whiskey barrels. The smell crept towards Zuko’s nose. Gray smoke rose from the simmering target.

The sound of the wood cracking and splintering with each push of his fists was exhilarating to him. Although it had been quite some time since he had used his bending in actual combat, Zuko felt the rush once more as the fire pounded through him. His arms and core flowed eloquently through the forms, measured and paced as if he were performing a dance. The tight muscles of his shoulders protruded as he bent the fire from within his breath, giving it new life in the air around him. It fed on the oxygen, starting as a tiny flame that willed itself into existence and warped wildly into a blast aimed at another target. He fired in quick succession, extracting the high from each movement and allowing his mind to meld with the practice.

Each flame grew hotter, brighter, as Zuko grunted and panted through the forms. His perfectionism often got the better of him when he was alone, coaxing him through each movement multiple times before he’d even produce a spark, then multiple times again as he allowed the fire to dictate his motion, until finally it was what it should be- a walking, dangerous piece of art- a tinder box painted in bright colors, waiting to be lit. As he let his momentum slow, the therapeutic effects of the practice numbing with each movement, he felt himself succumbing to the frustration and anger and pain. Although bending could help him stave off the feeling of hopelessness, it was a temporary fix. Panting, Zuko let his legs collapse out from under him and dug his knees into the ground.

The sound of a lone onlooker clapping slowly- almost sarcastically- caught his attention.

“Well, well, well, check out Fire Lord Sparky, in all his glory!”

A shadow slowly grew on the ground as Zuko let out a light, breathy chuckle as the figure approached. A young man of incredibly tall stature towered over the kneeling Fire Lord, blocking the sun and casting a tall darkness over him. A brown hand, soft in appearance alone, extended out towards him. A small, tribal looking tattoo cuffed the wrist- Zuko could remember the meaning being explained to him over drunken conversation when the ink was still fresh. _Something about ice-dodging…_

Zuko reached up and gratefully took the grasp, allowing himself to be yanked upwards and back onto his feet. He brushed the dirt and soot off of his soft training pants, chuckling once more at the silly grin on the face before him.

Sokka had finally finished growing – _“A late bloomer, in more ways than one!”_ his fiancé had once joked – and was a monolith of tanned skin and muscular physique, topped with a mop of dark brown hair that was currently tied into a bun atop his head. He wore a soft pair of travel pants along with a blue tunic, the sleeves of which had been unceremoniously ripped off. Despite his fit appearance, a small belly protruded slightly, indicating how well Sokka had been adjusting to a more relaxing – and better fed – life over the years. A small messenger style bag was slung over his shoulder, but despite it’s bulging contents, it didn’t appear to weigh him down.

“You know, I can really see now why it was so hard for you to ever defeat us.” Sokka shrugged his shoulders as he slugged the Fire Lord in the arm. “You should probably get some more practice in. I can leave you alone!” His mad grin and wild blue eyes bore into Zuko, who dropped his gleeful expression into one of annoyance.

“If I need more practice, why don’t you join me?” The Fire Lord’s eyes lit up- in part due to the excitement at the possibility of having a live sparring partner for the first time in quite a while, but also due to the small flame that flickered wildly in his palm that he raised in front of himself.

The young warrior’s face glazed over with a look of horror as he shook his head wildly. “No thanks, buddy! Suki would kill me if I harmed one hair on your royal head!”

Zuko laughed.

“So what can I do for the Ambassador of the Water Tribe Coalition today?” Zuko strode across the training grounds, Sokka in tow, towards a small bench on which his tunic and flats rested. He sat down as Sokka stood before him, rummaging through his bag for a moment before retrieving a large, unlabeled bottle with a viscous, light yellow liquid inside.

“Oh, don’t tell me you forgot what day it was!” Sokka dangled the bottle clumsily between two fingers in front of the Fire Lord, who wrinkled his nose at it, pushing it away. Sokka slid it back into the bag and fastened it securely shut, patting it.

“Ugh! Don’t tell me that’s the ‘Whale Tail Island’ special again!” Zuko pulled his flats on then wrapped the tunic around himself, nodding to the guard at the door a few feet away who stepped aside.

“Not _exactly_ ,” Sokka began, leading the way for the pair to walk through the courtyard. “I’ve been saving this stuff for quite some time. Special occasion and all.”

“Special occasion?” Zuko asked as they walked through the hallways of the palace, rounding corners and nodding graciously at the officials and couriers and courtiers that passed them. Some giggled and gossiped as the Fire Lord passed, but were still met with the same greeting, only to be followed with an obvious eye roll after they were out of sight. “That will never not be annoying.”

“Yeah, I get it, it must be so hard having all the women of the nation fawning over you and your bachelor status.” Sokka prodded Zuko with his elbow harshly, causing him to reach up and rub the spot momentarily. A slightly aggressive look from a nearby guard prompted Sokka to smile and give an innocent shoulder shrug as they passed.

“What was that about Suki killing you if you harm me?”

“Hey, now, you keep quiet. She’s scary when she’s pregnant!”

The pair approached the door to Zuko’s office and the guard outside bowed gracefully.

“My Lord, Ambassador Sokka, good evening.”

“Good evening, Ako.” Zuko bowed.

“Ako! My man!” Sokka slung his arm over the guard’s shoulder. The guard remained unwavering in his duty, but his expression softened slightly at the familiar greeting.

“Ambassador Sokka, it is good to see you. I hope that Suki is doing well.”

“Heh, she’s making me look skinnier every day!” Sokka pulled away from the guard and patted his small belly, chuckling.

“Long night tonight, My Lord?” Ako asked, smiling.

“Yes, we’ll be using the room for the night.” Zuko nodded.

“And the others?”

“Should be along shortly.” Zuko glanced forward into his office and out the large picture window that graced the back wall. The sun was sinking in the sky, casting a long, city-shaped shadow over the horizon. It was nearly dusk.

Sokka pulled the bottle once more from the bag and held it close to Ako, leaning in towards his ear.

“If there’s any left, we’ll leave it for you. But don’t get your hopes up!” He whispered before disappearing behind the door which closed with a thud and an eye roll from the Fire Lord.

Sokka took his place in the corner of the room, falling clumsily into a large plush armchair next to the large hearth. Zuko raised his palm upward and effortlessly conjured a flame among the dry logs and tinder that had been preset for him. The crackling of the fireplace was comforting to the two as they settled in. Zuko retrieved a tray from a tea caddy by the window then took a spot on the sofa that was positioned across from Sokka’s chair, separated from it by a tea table that ran the length of the couch. Sokka gently placed his bag on the table and began to dig through it, retrieving the bottle and setting it on the tray which contained five small glasses. He also retrieved some assorted sizes of parchment, a few pai sho tiles that tumbled out of the bag and clacked across the table, and a feather quill and ink well. The feather matched one that was tied to the outside of the bag, along with a dangling chain of trinkets and a small blue stone attached to blue silk that had a crude carving in the center. The chain of trinkets wasn’t new, but the small blue stone and silk were.

“Isn’t that a betrothal necklace?” Zuko pointed towards the outside of the bag.

“Huh?” Sokka questioned, as if not realizing it were there. “Oh! Right! Heh, yeah, it’s kind of a joke. I’m surprised Katara didn’t tell you about it in her last letter.”

“Oh,” Zuko paused, a flash of fear crossing his mind that left more questions than answers. “Aren’t you and Suk-“

There was an awkward silence for the briefest of moments before the door flung open.

Needing no introduction, the short earthbending master bounded towards the two men with ferocity. She slammed her hands down on the table and leaned directly into Zuko’s face. Her glossy eyes stared without seeing into Zuko’s and she grinned wickedly.

“Don’t tell me Numbnuts over here told you already!”

“We haven’t even started yet, Toph.” Zuko said, confusion lacing his voice.

“Well then,” She pushed herself out of her leaning position and placed her hands dramatically on her hips, the large sleeves of her tunic stained with remnants of dried mud. The brown and green hues of her ornate belts and sash appeared muted in the lowering light of the office, as the sun continued to creep behind trees and tall buildings of the city. The fire sparked up slightly to give them more to see by. “You’re _never_ going to believe what we dug up!”

“Is this the ‘special occasion’ you were referring to earlier?” Zuko glanced towards Sokka, scooting over slightly to make room for Toph, who accepted the invitation without prompting and sunk into the plush fabric. She swung her legs up onto the table with little care for the items strewn across it, causing the glasses to shift and causing dirt to flake from her bare feet onto to the parchments she now used as foot rests.

Sokka gawked and brushed of the pages, smoothing them out and unrolling each one gently. They were a map.

“Oh yeah,” Sokka paused, glancing over towards the door. He sighed, his impatience getting the better of him. As if remembering something, he grabbed the bottle and pulled the cork out of the top. A sweet, slightly earthy scent drifted towards Zuko and made his head swim slightly. Sokka poured a small amount of the liquid into three cups and set them in front of the group. Eyeing the bottle lovingly, he pressed the cork back into it and pulled the glass canister up to his lips, placing a large, sloppy and loud smooch on it before setting it aside.

“I can’t wait for everyone to get here- let’s just tell him already!” Toph reached forward and grabbed for her glass, almost knocking Zuko’s out of his hand as he reached for it as well. The liquid sloshed and splashed out onto his skin and was surprisingly cool to the touch.

“Alright, fine! But when they get mad that they couldn’t see his reaction-“

“My reaction to what?” Zuko asked, his tone a mix of dumbfounded and growing impatience.

“Zuko…” Sokka held his glass up, Toph following suit, “we think we found her. We think we finally found your mom.”

* * *

**FLASHBACK: _Approximately 2 years ago, the first anniversary of Zuko’s coronation._**

_{Zuko,_

_I am very sorry to hear about you and Mai.}_

It had been two months since she had left.

Despite everything, Mai had been good to him. She gave him the space and time that he needed to get acclimated to his new role as Fire Lord and was never overbearing or needy. She was perfectly capable of entertaining herself by mingling with the other ladies in the court, visiting Ty Lee on Kyoshi or even just practicing with her knives alone. In the presence of others, she was perfectly polite and addressed him how the Fire Lord would expect to be addressed. Their small arguments or nit-picks at each other were often forgotten within hours, and they would be back to their cordial selves.

 _That was the problem though, wasn’t it?_ Zuko pondered on this as his breath calmed slowly, folding his legs out from under his body and crossing them over one another in front of him. He closed his eyes and meditated on the thoughts, allowing them to course through him like a river of history.

 _Cordial_. Almost formal, too respectful when in the company of others. And when did the collapse start? The lying? The fighting? The constant bickering that one didn’t have the other’s best interest at heart any longer- that they no longer saw eye to eye?

_{Times like this can be very hard, and your advisors sound less than understanding. How could they possibly question your judgement over something as trivial as breakup?}_

Zuko dug his fist into the ground like a drill, slowly allowing the softened earth to cascade through his lightly closed fingers, digging itself between the nail and bed where he’d have to go to great lengths later to clean it out.

That was the answer, wasn’t it? He knew when the discordance between them began- and like a tiny spark, he tendered the flame until it was a raging fire. He couldn’t help himself. His father had answers- answers to where his mother might be, answers on how to lead despite his own shortcomings- and Zuko felt a heavy responsibility to smoke those answers out – after all, he is the reason she left. His meetings with his father were never long enough to leave Mai lonely- Zuko was always on time to dinners and public outings. The tension that grew fostered itself between them, however, was a gap that grew more prevalent every day until finally, it was too far to cross.

_{Sorry, I don’t mean to insinuate that your breakup was trivial, but compared to the grand scheme of things- compared to everything we’ve gone through…}_

The Fire Sages, his counsel, all of them were questioning his judgement in the recent weeks. Whether on smaller matters like trade reform or the large-scale demilitarization of previously occupied Fire Nation colonies, he heard the whispers of their accusations. _He’s faltering…He’s distracted…He’s just like his father – too wrapped up in himself…_

_{I think that Iroh’s suggestion of taking some time off is a good idea. I would come to visit, but Aang and I have been so busy at the Air Temple since he got back from the summit, and he’s insistent that I stay to help them get back on their feet. As funny as it is to say, I find myself missing our time together before the war ended, and those bright summer days on Ember Island – despite everything…}_

_Ember Island._ It hadn’t been since before his father was defeated that Zuko had stepped foot in their old family beach home. He recalled the few weeks spent there before the final battle- Sokka and Aang coordinating training sessions to fight the Melon Lord; Toph teaching Aang sandbending; Aang gawking at Katara every time she bathed lazily in the sun on the beach…

Aang had returned to the Fire Nation much less than previously anticipated, Zuko had noticed. After his coronation, it would be a full year before the Avatar would return to the capital, insisting that Zuko’s ambassador teams meet with him at the Air Temples he traveled to and from to repair. Zuko understood, however, and he and his best friend kept in constant contact through letters and gifts exchanged via parcel. Zuko remembered chuckling when he received an over-sized stuffed replica of Appa, made with fur from his most recent shedding. Yes, he chuckled, but he also sneezed for a week. The plush now had a home on a chaise lounge in his office, and he glanced over to it with fond remembrance.

_{Sokka and Suki have been bickering non-stop recently. It’s actually been quite annoying. I sometimes wonder if she might be pregnant. They aren’t even married yet – they might never make it there if my dad kills them both before the wedding. Thanks for loaning Suki to us, by the way. Now that I think about it, by the time you get this letter they should be on the way to you…}_

Zuko had seen Sokka occasionally, as he served as an ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe. When Zuko first asked him to fill the role, in front of Hakoda, the Chieftain gawked then laughed out loud at the suggestion. Zuko chuckled at first about it, too, and Sokka whined about the responsibility and having to be separated from Suki for so long, but when Zuko mentioned his new royal guard, headed by the Kyoshi warrior herself, Sokka rushed off to start packing. While much of his time was spent at home in the Southern Water Tribe working on rebuilding and restoring its greatness to rival that of its sister tribe in the North, Sokka attended meetings for a week once monthly in Caldera City. Any time he wasn’t in meetings, he was distracting the head of the royal guard, much to Zuko’s annoyance.

_{Make sure that your uncle gets the tea set I am sending. It’s got some of the botanicals that the Air Nomads have been cultivating recently, and I’m sure he can enjoy it while he entertains June or to calm himself after watching one of Toph’s fights. I’ve heard he’s become quite the one-person fan club!}_

Toph was always off being Toph- she never had much time for formalities or polite sit-downs, so when she did make it into town, it was often for a large match. In one of his first decrees as Fire Lord, Zuko had chosen to legalize the arena matches once again between benders, and even those between non-benders, and invited each nation to send its best fighters. The decree was meant to show constructive unity between the nations, but it also had helped to stimulate the economy of each nation, especially the Fire Nation, allowing them to send more aid and reparations to the others. Toph was excited for Zuko’s first rousing diplomatic success, but she was more excited that she’d have something else to do- apart from helping to rebuild the Earth Kingdom, of course. She would often make appearances at the palace- signing autographs for waiting fans who knew of her friendship with the crow, but her purpose was mostly to have tea with Iroh and June. The trio had become quite the mischievous group around the palace.

_{It’s always nice to hear that you’re surrounded by friends and people who love you.}_

Others visited occasionally or were now local to the city and could see the Fire Lord in passing on a regular basis. Haru would make his way over from his new post as advisor on foreign relations with the Earth Kingdom to have a beer with Zuko, often bantering about old times or new mysteries, such as the location of Zuko’s mother. Jun was a regular on the palace grounds as well, spending a suspicious amount of time with Iroh in his private gardens or quarters. Ty Lee was a part of Zuko’s royal guard at the insistence of Suki- however, she visited him on personal outings more often when Mai was still around.

There was one person, however, that had not made the trip back to the Fire Nation on casual visits or social escapades in the year since the Phoenix King’s defeat. Zuko found himself pondering for a moment on her choice to not accompany the Avatar on his visits, or how seldomly she wrote to him, especially recently, as he poured over her looping cursive. They had said their goodbyes so cordially at the coronation, but their letters afterwards were casual, friendly, and caring. She often asked how he and Mai had been doing, making notes or small talk on her relationship as well. He would respond in kind, asking her what help she needed with her projects that kept her busy- kept her from visiting… Things went steadily back and forth for a while, but after that they tapered off into formal correspondence when aid was needed, or to decline invitations to the annual Fire Festival or Solstice Balls. This was the first letter he had received since the summit almost three months ago, where her absence had been noted.

_{I worry about you.}_

Part of Zuko’s mind escaped him as he read over the words again. _If you really worried,_ he thought with venom, _you would make more of an effort…_

 _No, that’s not fair…_ He sighed heavily and shook his head, closing his eyes. The letter continued, but he carefully folded the parchment and stood, making his way towards his desk, placing it in the top drawer on a stack of others he had yet to fully read.

Tonight was not the night for his emotions to weigh any heavier on him than necessary. Tonight was too important for that. He sighed once more and placed his hands on the large oaken surface, allowing himself this moment of peace. Just one moment.

He waved his hand and lit a fire in the large hearth in his office. A knock rang out, followed by the door opening and a young, fresh-faced servant appeared. Her hair was pulled into a top knot and she wore formal servant attire- a slightly ill-fitting red top cut very slightly above her midriff, a long skirt with gold silk angling down either side, and a collar of gold around her neck. Following Zuko’s coronation, a discussion had taken place regarding the servants in the palace. Zuko argued for their freedom, insisting that in their place he’d keep a paid staff, but the Fire Sages had other plans. Indentured servitude was a popular practice in the Fire Nation, as it granted servants the honor of working off debts they owed to society by servicing the noble families.

The modicums of hard work and honor were looked on as chivalrous, so any further attempt to dismantle the servant system within the palace was quashed. Zuko did, however, manage to convince the counsel to modify the terms of the indentured servitude agreements- no longer would the children of servants be condemned to the life, the terms were never indefinite, only certain crimes would warrant the service, the servants may remain on a paid staff after their terms had expired should they choose to- and finally, the thin black choker of silk dyed in toxic coal and lead would no longer adorn the necks of the female servants, rendering them unhealthy enough to seek other employment and condemning them to a cycle of vagrancy and servitude. Instead, the choker was replaced with a golden metal collar. The metal would symbolize the achievement of the work they committed and act as a gift at the end of their term served, so they may have other means of feeding their families.

“My Lord,” she said softly as she bowed deeply to the Fire Lord. She carried a silver tray topped with empty glasses and a cannister of wine. As she bowed, the wine cannister swung forward, tipping its liquid onto the tray. The glasses drowned in the liquid and shifted, one crashing to the floor as she gasped.

“Oh! My Lord! I am incredibly sorry!” She cried, dropping to her knees and placing the tray on the floor in front of her. The wine splashed, dribbling over the ornate carpet haphazardly as she pressed the hem of her skirt into the liquid to sop it up as best she could. “I am such a klutz! My deepest apologies!”

Zuko smiled and reached into another drawer, retrieving a small bottle with a murky brown liquid inside, along with an extra glass and a couple small serving towels he had learned to keep handy. As he lowered himself before the girl, he noticed her plucking at the shards of glass with her fingers, blood slipping out from between calluses on her hands. A bruise in the shape of fingers encircled her wrist and an aged scar wrestled with the blue and yellow hues. She had been burned before.

Zuko reached forward, taking her small hand in his and used the towel to dab at the open cuts. She flinched as he did so, but the look on her face was more of surprise than anything else.

“I…I didn’t mean to, my Lord. I’m so sorry…I deserve punishment…” She said through soft sobs, fear shaking her voice as she stared, bewildered at the man before her, whose patience was clearly tried but was somewhat fairly unphased by her misstep.

“It’s alright.” He said, handing her the towel and closing her hand around it. He began to dab at the carpet, collecting the shards of glass as he went inside the towel. “It’s easier to pick up with a towel so you don’t hurt yourself.” He explained.

“The wine…It will stain…” She winced as he retrieved the tray from the floor and balancing it carefully and placing it on the desk.

“It’s just a carpet. It’ll be alright.”

Turning back towards the girl, he expected to see her standing before him, but she was not- her body was bent forward onto the carpet, her forehead pressed into the moist spot where the wine had landed. She was shaking still, her arms outstretched in a humble, apologetic bow.

Zuko froze. He had grown used to servants throwing themselves at his feet, but never one this young. As he stared down at her tiny form, he pondered that she must only be school-aged, if even that.

“How…How old are you…um…” He began.

“Meng Ro, sire. I am 12 years old, my Lord.” Her voice was muffled by her downturned head.

 _12 years old…_ Zuko remembered back to the moment on the ice sheet when he first laid eyes on the Avatar – a boy of just 12 at the time, and wondered how he would have felt then, seeing the monk in such an apologetic state for a small mishap.

“Um…please rise, Meng Ro.” He said slowly, and she did as was told.

The young girl lifted her legs first, pushing off the floor with her small wrists, wincing slightly again as she did so from what Zuko assumed was the pain of the bruise. Her head came up last, and Zuko snorted, forgetting himself for a moment.

The pale skin of her forehead was stained with a large red dot, remnant of the wine now ingrained in the carpet. She looked awfully funny, and Zuko tried his best to bite back his chuckle but to no avail.

Her face became twisted as her cheeks flushed red to match the wine on her forehead and she looked down, embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” he said between chortles, “Your forehead is just…” He reached for the cannister he had pulled out and held it up to show her reflection. The wine had perspired slightly and began to drip down her nose, only causing a slightly more raucous chuckle from the Fire Lord.

The girl’s eyes darted between her reflection and Zuko’s smile, until finally, her lip curled upward, and she began to laugh. The fear dissipated then, and she pressed the towel she still held in her hand to her forehead, blotting until the wine was gone.

Once they had their laugh, Zuko graciously escorted her back into the hall with the now dry tray and glasses, reserving the little left of the wine for his guests.

“…you’d have had to see it to believe it! It was so awesome!” A familiar voice drifted down the hall as excited footsteps grew louder.

“Well, I guess that means I’d never believe it.” A slightly more sarcastic voice punctuated the tail end of the other, and few giggles of various genders graced Zuko’s ears.

Rounding the corner and coming into view were who he had been waiting for- a young Water Tribe ambassador, two young Earthbending masters, a Kyoshi warrior, a bounty-hunter and a young acrobat. He welcomed them into his office and gestured for them to sit as he greeted them casually. They helped themselves to the wine, passing the bottle around until had been drained very quickly, and situated themselves as Zuko retrieved the cannister of Fire Whiskey.

The heat from the hearth beat down on them as Zuko addressed them.

“You are some of my closest friends. My confidants, really.” He started, as they quieted themselves. A small snort from the bounty hunter cut him off.

“Oh, come on, kid, we’re not that close!” She smiled widely, glancing down at a small silver bracelet that stood out among her attire of dark browns and blacks.

“I am _trying_ to be serious here, June. Don’t make me bring up to everyone how much time you’ve been spending with my Uncle recently…” Zuko smirked casually as the woman pursed her lips in an expression that screamed _touché._

“I’ve been Fire Lord for a year now, and while I’ve been able to get quite a bit done in that time, I have to admit I’ve had some distractions…” As if on queue, the door opened once more, and Mai entered, bowing her head in apology.

“Sorry I’m late…” She said quietly, taking a seat between Suki and Ty Lee.

“You didn’t miss much- Sparky here is just rambling on.” Toph piped up.

“Yeah, Zuko, get to the point- what are we doing here, anyway?” Sokka chimed in, causing the others to quibble slightly.

“What’s Mai doing here? I thought you guys broke up! Not that I’m not happy to see her!” Ty Lee’s remark earned her a slight jab to the shoulder from Mai who smiled darkly.

“And where’s the others? Aang should be here if we’re talking ‘world-needs-us-to-save-the-day-again’ stuff!” Haru remarked amongst the chatter.

“Yeah, and Katara-“

“Enough!” Zuko barked, the fire in the hearth punctuating his tone and crackling wildly, sending some small embers out that fizzled quietly on the air. “Look, I brought you guys here because I need to find my mother.”

The matter-of-fact tone in his voice was less formal than before, and he uncorked the bottle of Fire Whiskey and took a swig before placing it on the table in front of the others. He plopped down onto the floor in front of the fire, pulling his legs into a crisscross before him and sighing.

“Oh, well why didn’t you just say so, Lord Hot Pants?” Sokka reached over and clapped him on the back, grinning. “Of course, we’ll help you with that! That explains why Miss Dark and Scary is here- just give her something of your mom’s to sniff out!”

“It’s not that easy.” June replied, rolling her eyes at Sokka’s remark. “We tried that already, dumbass, why do you think you all are here?” 

Zuko sighed. “My father refuses to tell me where she might be, and I’m starting to think that maybe he doesn’t know…”

“Well what _has_ he told you so far?” Toph inquired.

“Not much, to be honest. He loves his secrets.” Zuko looked over to Mai, whose eyes had drifted downward. He recalled the tone of her voice and the venom that thickened it when she left. _“You love your secrets more than you love me,”_ she had said. Zuko didn’t mean to repeat the words back at her and hoped his gaze would feel more apologetic. She looked up as she responded, hurt lacing her voice only slightly enough for Zuko to pick up on it. She didn’t gaze in his direction.

“Azula hasn’t been much help, either.”

Everyone stared blankly at Mai, surprised expressions on their faces, including Zuko’s.

“What?” Mai asked openly to the group.

“You’ve been _talking_ to that crazy lady?” Toph exclaimed, reaching for the bottle of Fire Whiskey and taking her own long draw of it.

“Of course, I have. She is still my friend. Ty Lee visits her too, occasionally. It’s good for her.”

“So, what can we do?” Ty Lee asked, hoping to shift gears.

Zuko agreed offhandedly and continued.

“Well, I’m not too sure. What I _do_ know is that I can’t be of much help to you. I’ve already been…,” he paused, “ _distracted_ enough recently and the Fire Sages are starting to grow restless that I haven’t seemed fully committed to being, well, the Fire Lord.”

“So, why all the secrecy?” Sokka remarked.

“Because, dummy, the Fire Sages can’t know he’s looking!” Toph whacked Sokka over the head then nodded back to Zuko to allow him to continue.

“I asked all of you specifically because, well, I trust you. I know you guys are busy, too, and I respect that. I’m willing for this to take as long as it needs to.”

“What about Aang and Katara? Couldn’t they help?” Suki asked.

“I…I don’t want to involve _them_.” Zuko pondered for a moment. “It might sound selfish, or just childish even, but Aang’s got a lot going on and to be honest, I’m not sure if I trust him to know…”

“Why not?” Toph barked. “We’re _Team Avatar_ for a reason, you know.”

“You don’t think he’ll get it and he’ll think you’re not putting the Fire Nation’s needs first. You think he won’t understand.” Sokka’s tone was more somber now. “I can’t really argue with that- he’s been very ‘world over personal stuff’ lately, even in his letters…” He looked down as Suki took his hand gently. “Katara will, though. You should at least tell her…”

“No, Zuko’s right.” Mai stood up and addressed the group. “She’s the _Avatar’s_ girlfriend,” she said, her eyes gazing coldly at Zuko while she spoke, “and she has a loyalty to _him_.”

Zuko felt the sting of her words, the bitter end of their relationship weighing on him. _“You love your secrets more than you love me,”_ she had said. He wasn’t even sure what she meant at the time, but it was becoming clear with each passing word.

“We’ll help you, Zuko. Of course, we will.” She stated as she took her leave, pausing at the door. “We owe you that much.”

As she disappeared into the hall, the voices of the others piped up again, now filled with excitement and planning. Blank parchments and quills and inkwells were pulled seemingly out of nowhere, and the group got to work enthusiastically while Zuko stared at the door.

As the evening dipped into dawn, the group had grown exhausted with their work. Toph cuddled with the Appa plush as she splayed out on an ottoman, snoring loudly. Suki and Sokka were curled up under a blanket on the large sofa in front of the fire. Haru rested his head on his hand as he fiddled with a quill, fighting sleep. June had since departed, saying something about having tea with an ‘annoying old man’. Zuko continued to pore over the parchments that were now full of scribbles of maps and strategies.

As he reached for the small cup that he sipped Fire Whiskey from idly, it was moved out of reach by the young Earthbender.

“You should have some tea,” Haru said as he stood up, stretched, and poured the cup of murky brown liquid back into the cannister. He gathered the parchment from Zuko and placed it in a parcel-type bag he had brought with him.

“Or some sleep.” Zuko said, rubbing his eyes as he heard the door creak open.

“Yeah,” Haru glanced at the guest who had entered, then back to Zuko, “Good luck with that.”

He nodded at Zuko who nodded back at him as he placed the parcel into the largest drawer on Zuko’s desk then bid his farewell quietly to not wake the others. He passed Mai on his way in as she smiled kindly at him.

“Go easy on him,” he said barely above a whisper, “he’s pretty exhausted.”

She nodded and closed the door as he vanished into the hall.

“Here.” She stood, towering above Zuko who was still seated on the floor. He reached up to retrieve a small bundle from her hands. It was wrapped in a brown paper that was faded, but he could make out writing on the stack of letters within it, and immediately recognized his mother’s handwriting.

“Mai, are these…”

“Your mothers, yes. Azula had been rambling one day about some letters, telling me they had secrets and rumors in them. I honestly didn’t even think they’d have anything to do with helping to find her, but she gave them to me and told me to hide them.” Mai took a seat in a chair next to him, fiddling with her hands. “I guess you weren’t the only one with your secrets.”

Zuko didn’t know what to say. She looked exhausted from travel, but apart from that, she looked the same- stoic and forlorn as ever. She was beautiful, he admitted to himself, and he remembered for a moment what it was like to fall in love with her. He turned to her and placed his hand over hers.

“Thank you, Mai. Really. I’m…I’m sorry for-“

“Don’t. It’s alright, really, Zuko.” She said, a smile playing on her face. “We had a good run, you know. I just…” She paused for a moment, as if feeling the same fleeting feeling he was- nostalgia. “I don’t miss it. I hope that doesn’t hurt you to hear, but I don’t miss any of it. It took me some time to realize that we were over long before I left. We just…we’re different people now.”

Zuko nodded, slightly saddened- not by the memory of what they had, but by the agony of drawing it out for so much longer than necessary. He knew it, too. They hadn’t had fun together in a long time. He loved her, sure, and she loved him, but they weren’t _in love_ any longer.

“Do you remember the summit a few months back?” The question seemed to come out of nowhere, and it took Zuko by surprise.

“Of course, I do…You left right after…” He said, somberly.

“I wore a dress you bought me. I put my hair up in your favorite fashion. I…I am embarrassed to say it, but I was hoping you’d ask me that night…”

“Ask you-…Oh.” Zuko felt a pang of relief, then a pang of guilt at his relief.

“Yeah… You told me I looked ‘pretty’. At the time, I basked in the compliment. I kept dancing with you, talking with you, and you seemed so distant that I thought if I kept trying, kept putting myself in your way, that you’d ask. Clearly, you didn’t get the hint,” She chuckled darkly, more at herself than anything.

“I’m sorry, Mai. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.” Zuko said, and he meant it.

“I’m not naïve, Zuko. I knew you were…someplace else that evening. You did ask me one thing, though.” She said, the smile on her lips now distant, replaced by her typical stoic pursing. “You asked me why Katara wasn’t there.”

Zuko froze as she placed her hand on his shoulder with care, leaned down to place a quick, informal kiss in his hair, and headed for the door.

“Goodnight, Zuko.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy exposition, Batman!  
> I hope the formatting wasn't too confusing. A few of the chapters will be told in a format similar to this one, with flashbacks and letters and such, so please bear with me and if you have any suggestions on improving the format, please let me know!


	3. You'll never be alone, and my feelings can't be shown...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here we are again! Me posting shit without editing! Wooooo! If anyone is interested in being a beta-reader for this, I will not say no. 
> 
> This fanfiction is officially dedicated to Bznzgoth. You know who you are and why. I will ship this to the ends of the earth, and there's nothing you can do about it. :) 
> 
> Couple important tidbits for this chapter:   
> 1\. Takes place in the 'past'. I know the timeline of this story has been flush with flashbacks, and I promise it won't be like that forever, it just suits my style and the course of the story to present it like this. If it becomes too cumbersome or confusing and you'd like me to add more indication of where and when things are taking place let me know. The easiest way I keep track of it is in three separate timelines -   
> ATLA Canon - events that took place during the show's run but may not necessarily follow canon completely  
> Post-Canon - events that directly follow the show's run but preface the story's 'present timeline'  
> Present - events taking place approximately 3 years after canon. 
> 
> I may eventually create a timeline for this if it's helpful, but the most important thing for you to know is that this chapter takes place DURING the finale of the show (So essentially from the beginning of the Sozin's Comet saga - you'll figure it out when you see the old people). 
> 
> Thanks again for reading and for all the love. It truly keeps me going!! Some warnings for this chapter- blood, hints at violence.

_You’ll never be alone, and my feelings can’t be shown…_

The outer wall of Ba Sing Se, once a towering feat to behold, now stood in broken, crumbling columns singed with ash and soot. Sections of it further away from the road were still standing, but the remnants of a fight not long past remained clear before the group as the descended from Appa.

“We’re going to Ba Sing Se?” Zuko asked, a hint of confusion in his voice.

A large beast suddenly sprang forth from the thicket beside them, clawing at the remnants of the wall before shrugging quietly away. From atop the beast, June held tightly to the reigns, purring softly at her companion.

“Your uncle’s somewhere beyond the wall. Nyla’s getting twitch so he can’t be too far.” She tossed the sandal that Zuko had given her to sniff out his uncle’s whereabouts. “Good luck.”

Zuko nodded at the bounty hunter in gratitude as she pulled the reigns taught, steering the shirshu away from the wall and back down the unlit path before disappearing into the night.

They all stood, unsure of what to do next. A small patter of rain was on the horizon, and Katara could feel it pulling at her. She felt restless. Toph sighed and stared helplessly in the direction of the once-great city. Sokka breathed deeply, uncharacteristically silent. Suki stood next to him.

A feeling of hopelessness had cast itself across the group. They had come so far together, only for victory to be ripped from them in the night.

When the group had awoken the morning before, they had been rocked by Aang’s disappearance. They had combed the beach, the house, almost the entirety of Ember Island before realizing that Momo, too, had mysteriously vanished. The irony was not lost on them, however, that the one person who best knew how to track the Avatar – Zuko himself – was now on their side.

Putting their trust and faith in him to find Aang, Zuko felt the pressure mounting. He was unsure of any direction that the Avatar might have fled to, or even why he would choose to disappear when they were close – so close – to the victory they so desperately fought for, especially when so much of that victory was riding on Aang. The frustration of the past two days reflected in Zuko’s tone as he turned back towards the group.

“It’s been a long day,” Zuko said, “Let’s camp here and start our search again at dawn.”

The group nodded simultaneously in agreement as Appa sidled off of the path and into the thick brush and woods just a short distance away. The gang followed him, keeping their heads low and their eyes watchful. When Appa found a good spot, he yawned loudly, sneezed, and settled in, curling his legs under him and thudding his large body to the ground.

Sokka swiped his boomerang left and right, clearing a small area of the brush. Suki busied herself by gathering small sticks and dry logs, piling them into a rocky hole that Toph had bent in the center of their campsite. Katara retrieved a small pot from her pack on Appa’s saddle and placed it on a tree trunk beside the pit.

“I’m going to find some water.” She declared, eliciting some nods and grunts of approval from the rest of the group.

Shuddering and pressing his hand to his loudly gurgling stomach, Sokka whimpered.

“Hurry up!” He called after her. “It’s been _hours_ since our last snack break.”

“That’s really all you think about, isn’t it?” Zuko muttered under his breath.

“Well hey, thinking about delicious hot buns and sea prune stew is better than spending my whole life moping around, going ‘honor this!’ and ‘honor that!’” Sokka bit in his direction. The comment came with more venom than he intended, clearly defining the line between hungry and hangry.

Zuko grunted, producing a flame swiftly in his palm, much to Sokka’s terror.

“Look! Hey! Buddy! I didn’t mean it like that, I-“

Sokka ducked behind Suki as the flame barreled in his direction, only to feel the heat of the spark as it hit the dried logs in front of him.

Sighing in relief, he looked up at Zuko’s figure walking calmly into the thicket.

“Wait, where is he going?” Toph said, bending a small stool for her to sit on.

“I just need a moment alone!” He shouted back, waving his hand dismissively as the remaining trio shrugged, warming themselves gratefully by the fire and snacking on some dried fruits and meats until Katara would return to cook.

* * *

Zuko paid little attention to which direction he had taken off in. The darkness of the night closed in on him as he lit a small flame in his hand to guide his way. The small bumps on his arm had raised up, not out of a chill, but out of anxiety. His mind raced at a hundred miles per minute and he felt the sudden urge to lash out. As he came to a clearing, when he was sure he was far enough away from the group, he grunted loudly, escalating into a callous holler that ripped through the air and into the small clearing in front of him.

He felt energized somehow by the light of the moon and stars above, dotted in between opaque clouds that bore a storm approaching. All of the anger that culminated within him – his ferocity towards his father and sister, the frustration of being away from his uncle’s guidance for so long, and now the _abandonment_ by the one person who he thought could help him reclaim his honor.

_That’s it_ , he thought, _I made the wrong choice. I should have kept my head down…Ugh! I should have just listened to my father and stayed quiet!_ He punched at the air, sending waves of fire forward in sporadic directions. _Foolish Zuko, once again! Ugh! I’m such an idiot! Listening to the Avatar, that annoying kid with the boomerang, some snotty rich Earthbender, that Kyoshi jerk, that waterbender-_

“Zuko?”

“Argh!” He cried out, reeling around to face the young woman standing before him. Her arms were wet up to the elbows and her skin seemed to glisten in the light from his fading flames and the moon, like pyrite in a stream. “What!?” He stomped forwards and grabbed her by the wrist as his tone barked into her ears. “What do you want from me?!”

She winced, but only briefly, before allowing a calm expression to wash over her. He wavered, staring into her cerulean eyes. He felt his form relax, suddenly and looked down at his hand clutching her tightly. Realizing his grip, loosened it, allowing her to wiggle her arm free. He felt the dampness between his fingers and steam wisped from his hand at his own heat. It radiated over them, sending a shiver down Katara’s spine. She didn’t falter any further, however. He was almost fascinated by her boldness and lack of fear – and disgust – at his temper tantrum. It almost infuriated him at how collected she was in the face of someone who had so recently been her enemy.

“I…uh, I was just about to head back to the camp.” She cracked a nervous smile as she held up the water skin and a small fishing line that was strung with three small fish. “It’s not the same as the nice meals we had at your fa-…I mean, your house on the island. But it’ll do for tonight.”

“Oh…”

For a moment, Zuko’s mind flitted back to the last time he had been this _angry,_ and this close to her. A shameful memory involving pirates, a water-scroll, and a tree if he recalled correctly.

“Are you okay?”

The softness of her voice could cut into his edges more swiftly than any knife. He found himself relishing in the comfort even just the simple question had afforded him. Had anyone else asked it, he’d have gone berserk – sending flames into the air once more and creating havoc from nothing – reminding those asking if _they’d be okay if they had their honor stripped from them with no hope of ever regaining it!_ He’d throw his tantrum and be berated behind his back by his crew, his family, or anyone else within earshot. He’d mull it over and come to terms with the anger, but never actually face it.

“Zuko…?” She found herself moving slightly closer to him, his face only inches from hers now. She peered into his eyes with the inquiry of a physician, narrowing her gaze as if to find some illness that wasn’t there.

How quickly she had warmed up to him after the incident with Yon Rha. How easily she allowed him to be close to her over the following weeks, instead of flinching back from him in anger or resentment. How simply she was able to _let go_ of the blame and hatred towards him. It _fascinated_ him. He wanted to know how she did it – and more importantly, how to replicate that implicit desire to _love_ other people in himself. What was instinct in her was foreign to him.

His eyes fell towards her lips, realizing their closeness for just a moment before he shuddered a breath upon her cheek. How was it so easy for her to act out of kindness and concern, but for him it was as if he was trying to lasso the sun? He so badly wanted her to teach him how to live a life without that anger and resentment weighing down on every beat of his heart. It was such a heavy burden to carry, if only he could just let it go.

He reached forward to touch her, unaware of how his hand was even acting seemingly of its own accord. It came to her shoulder, touching her with the lightness of a feather. He found himself concentrating, suddenly, on sustaining the perfect gap between them, as if the balance of the world depended on them not moving even a millimeter. Suddenly becoming conscious of his own body, as if for the first time, he greeted her with gentleness and mirrored her energy with surgical precision.

As his fingers brushed upward to the skin of her neck, Katara made no move to stop him. The air in front of their lips was full of oxygen, but none would take it in. Something about this felt strange, as if both wrong and right at the same time. Zuko heard a gust of wind approaching as the trees bent and beckoned in it, eliciting a small shiver from Katara. She sucked in the air in front of her, gasping softly as the chill ran down her spine, and as if lighting the first spark – that spark of creation – he pushed himself even closer to her, casting gentleness out as he wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, settling them into a cradle in her hair. He pulled her forward fervently, slipping his arm around her waist and tensing it as she stumbled slightly at the movement, until her lips came crashing into his.

Her eyes ripped open, staring before her at nothing and everything. The tenseness built up inside of her stomach as she felt his rigid, chapped lips pressed on hers with the fierceness of waves on a rocky shore. She felt, for a moment, as if she were a storm that had been set on fire. Uncertainty echoed through her as her mind raced.

She had heard tales of men who had come back from long voyages across the sea, or those who had unfortunate run-ins while ice dodging – men who had told tales of their brushes with death. In her childhood, they regaled the eager villagers of how, in the moments they felt the spirits coming for them, they were presented with their lives in a flash before their eyes. They instantly remembered every feeling, every moment, from cradle to grave inside of them, as if happening all at once. They felt eternity. They felt _alive_.

Although Katara had not experienced this herself, she felt this was the closest she’d ever come to it. She had always been jealous of those men. They were allowed to be _heroes_ , allowed to be remembered in ways she never could be because of her sex. She found it unfair and would whine to her father or brother – or mom – about it when the men would come home and reap all the glory. She felt desperation to be wanted, to be _loved_ , and she vowed she’d never pass up the opportunity to make someone else feel that way. Her jealousy transformed in those stories, into a hunger to feel that fervent rush vicariously through others.

Zuko’s lips eased softly as she settled into the moment, closing her eyes, and letting the feeling take hold. What felt like an eternity, however, was only moments. Zuko felt her relax in his grip and heard the sound of the fish and her water skin hitting the leaves beneath their feet. He felt her arms snake upward and around his neck, the dampness of them trickling down his spine and under his shirt, reminding him of their physical presence as his consciousness swam in the pure blissful relief of the kiss. There was a breathlessness to her as she pushed into him, her body becoming flush against his. The shock and calm of the moment bolted him awake and lulled him to rest all at once.

The world could have crumbled into the ashes of Ozai’s fire for all he cared. He wanted to exist solely in this moment; past, present, and future. He wanted to forget all that came before this, and everything that would come after it. He wanted, _desperately_ , to evade any end to this. He had craved it before, but had never put a name to it, and he had it now and was unwilling to ever let it go.

A hawk cawed overhead, cresting in front of the storm cloud as the cumulous heaved small spurts of rain onto them. The water was inconsistent, peppering the moment in fits and starts, releasing the pair from the hold they had on each other.

Surprisingly, if only to himself, Zuko pulled back first. His hand unleashed her hair and her hip, letting her pant before him in an awkward hunch as she dropped her arms to her side. The air between them felt electric, as if being disturbed by some unnamed force.

For a moment, she thought of all the things they could be- she let herself forget the war, forget the past, forget the future, and just live in the idea of them together. She felt her hand moving, as if of its own accord, upward once again, and it reached upward to his face, resting softly on his cheek and temple. The rough skin of his scar felt like peaks and valleys of sorrow under her fingers, cascading across his eye and back towards his mangled ear. Her fingers danced gingerly as the rain pattered down slightly on them, disappearing as quickly as it had come, just as their moment together had. The moon reflected in the golden haze of his eyes, his pupils blown wide from the high of the interaction. It was _addicting_ , touching him this way- showing him the tenderness that could have re-imagined the entire universe, if only they would let it.

“Katara…” He said, his voice barely registering above a whisper.

Her eyes studied him softly, and he could almost see them glaze over with a hint of sadness as she looked down at the rainwater pattering softly on the ground below them. Her hand clung to him, despite herself. Her fingers bristled at the ends of his hair, and it lingered there despite her saddening gaze.

“It’s better if we don’t.” She said somberly. Yet, she still didn’t let go.

_It’s better if we don’t talk about it. It’s better if we don’t remember this. It’s better if we don’t speak to each other anymore. It’s better if we don’t love each other. It’s better if we don’t remain friends. It’s better if we don’t tell the others. It’s better if we don’t forget this. It’s better if we don’t stop this. It’s better if we don’t ever stop feeling this way._

Zuko brought her forward and pressed his forehead to hers, blatantly mimicking the moment where he pressed his lips to that same spot- he had once watched her heave and sob in front of him, her beautiful body contorted by the pain as she purged it from her soul. He wondered if she saw him in that same light, just now, as he felt the reality of her words sink in. It was like an arrow through him, like lightning he couldn’t redirect, as if he wanted to.

His breath brushed her lips as she choked back a sob, the sound breaking the moment with absolute hearty regret. Her hand slowly separated from him- her fingertips and even her nails grazing as long as they could, as if she wanted the milliseconds of contact to be imprinted on her grasp. She bent forward and picked up the fish and her water skin, a small smile crossing her lips as she did. She let Zuko see it for the smallest second as she nodded at him in what he felt in his heart was an apology. But he wasn’t sure if he’d ever know for certain. He followed behind her back to the camp, leaving footprints in the mud that would wash away, the irony of the imagery laughing in his face.

His mind was tortured, angrier than before, as he approached the ignorant group by the fire, masking his worst realization that he could have had _everything_.

* * *

The ‘Old People Camp’, as Bumi had referred to it, was anything but. It was spritely and lively with the movement and voices of many young soldiers wearing the symbol of the Order of the White Lotus. They maneuvered about, sorting supplies, sharpening weapons, and many practiced their bending with each other. The expanse of which the Order had grown, even recently, was astounding to the group as they were escorted into the camp.

At their arrival, the members of the group splintered, mingling with the familiar faces of their masters, as well as others who had become privy to their arrival. Sokka barraged Pakku with questions about his ‘students’ back in the Southern Water Tribe as the two strolled off, Pakku walking with much more purpose in an attempt to evade the annoyance. Suki and Toph parted ways to chat with Bumi and Jeong Jeong, who regaled them with tales of their recent escapes and liberations. Appa happily groaned and nestled himself in a corner under a rocky crag, only to be bombarded by adoring soldiers ready to brush and tend to him. He obliged as one presented him with a cart full of fresh cabbages, patting his nose as he went to work quickly devouring them.

Katara giggled slightly as she stopped and peered over at them, allowing herself some quiet moments void of concentration as she gazed outwardly at nothing in particular.

“Where…where is he?”

She heard Zuko’s voice drift over from a few feet away where he stood with Master Piandao. The elder man smiled kindly at his old student and pointed towards a tent on the far side of the camp. Zuko nodded and made his way forward, getting lost in the crowd of bustling carts and infantrymen.

Finding the masters was a great exhale- a relief that washed over her that she hadn’t felt since before Aang had disappeared. While it had only been a couple of days, their predicament had weighed heavily on the group, rendering them much quieter than normal as they searched everywhere for the Young Avatar. Katara only now noticed how welcome the noises of jovial greeting and badly played tsungi horn were to her ears. She heard mugs clacking against one another at a table nearby as those present at it toasted to another productive evening- it was a façade, for sure- there was an unspoken fear that hung over the encampment, but it wasn’t as palpable as she had expected.

The day of reckoning had been long approaching, leaving the world to wait in anticipation.

She was pulled back into herself as a hand came to rest on her shoulder. She blinked back to reality and gazed up at Piandao with a smile.

“Has your brother been bothering you so much that you would rather check out than listen to him?” He asked with a playful smile.

Katara chuckled. “Only as much as usual.”

“Come, Master Katara, you can finally relax in some peace and quiet.” Pakku began to guide her through the camp towards the table she had examined the soldiers drinking at. “After, of course, we have a drink together.”

“Actually, Master Pakku, if you don’t mind…” She scanned towards the area where Zuko had disappeared into the crowd, and Pakku took notice.

“Ah, I see. Well, if that’s the case, at least try to get some rest this evening.” His eyes widened for a moment at her as Katara caught the insinuation, causing her to scowl at him as he chuckled and took his leave, making his way over and catching a mug that was slid over to him with ease. He took a long draw from it as he gazed back over to Katara, nodding in the direction that he had sent Zuko and winking at her, before turning to face his eager companions.

Katara rolled her eyes and turned away. She crossed her arms over her chest to keep warm as she shuffled through the encampment towards the far tent that sat away from the others. Smoke rose from an opening in the center, indicating someone inside was keeping warm. The moon was high in the sky, which was cloudless now, although the air was still thick with moisture. The lack of heat from the sun at the present caused the air to feel like the thinnest of frosts, settling over the land only to be forgotten with the slightest movement or tiniest candle. The tent before her was regal in structure but lacking in any ornamentation. She could smell chai on the air, but it hung slightly stale, indicating the brew was not fresh. The light on the thick canvas flickered and folded, but Katara could make out no forms either sitting or standing in the picturesque shadows. Instead, as she approached, a figure sitting in the dark came into focus.

Zuko sat, cross legged, outside of his uncle’s tent. His eyes were closed, but he clearly heard her approaching as he scooted over to allow for her to sit next to him and lean against the sturdy siding of the tent. It was surprising, given her unceremonious dismissal of his feelings earlier. She had been preparing for a war but was immediately offered an olive branch.

She sat beside him in silence for a moment. The tension was palpable as she could smell his entire scent wafting over to her like a beckoning. It was spice, cinnamon, a slight tinge of berry, pine, and smoke. It was the smell of a comforting fire in a hearth, a home cooked meal, spiced tea, and a lover to hold. It was soft and broken but hard and steadfast all in one, and it intoxicated her. She began to crane her neck towards him- turning to face him alone for the first time after their encounter in the woods- but she felt his eyes traveling over her and she froze.

Zuko’s gaze softened with his shoulders and he unfolded his legs to bend one upward, resting his elbow on it as he extended the other. His head crooked softly to the side as he gazed longingly towards the companion sitting next to him, recognizing that it was just the two of them there, present in this moment. He wondered if he had said the words, the words he’d been thinking for hours now, what she would say in response. Her soft figure was tensed next to him, as if she were sitting on the head of a needle, the rest of the world waiting to swallow her if she fell.

He wanted so desperately to be angry with her. He wanted to ask her a thousand times what she meant only hours ago, back in the woods. He wanted her to decode the message she sent him with the hunger of her lips and the hesitancy of her words. At the same time, he never wanted to know- lest he be too afraid of the answer to face it headfirst. Hell, he never wanted to see her face again, or ever have seen it in the first place, to avoid the heartbreak he knew was coming. But once again, the duality of the situation taunted him. He could never get enough of the hunger she stoked inside of him, the sweet longing of humanity and love and lust that he gripped in the throes of his dreams of her, dreams that had grown ever more frequent since their night at the theatre.

He opted to break the silence, just longing to hear her voice.

“My uncle hates me. I know it.” He started, softly. “He loved and supported me in every way he could, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

His voice was barely above a whisper, coming out in breathy fits and starts. He felt as though a sob were creeping into his throat, but he refused to let it out, tamping it down with the comfort that feeling close to Katara provided. He placed one hand on the dirt in between them, hoping she would catch the invitation.

“Zuko, you’re sorry for what you did, right?” She asked, barely missing a beat. Her eagerness to comfort others would be his downfall, he swore it.

“I-…” He paused for a moment, trying to figure out the words, as if re-evaluating how he felt about the situation in that very moment. He hoped to convey to her the screaming voice inside his head- he wanted to question her, to interrogate her, to force out the answers as to why he was now more conflicted than before. His Uncle lay resting in his tent just feet away, and his mind darted between the two of them- trying to land on a reasonable plot in the middle that gave them both ground. “I am more sorry about it than I’ve been about _anything in my_ _entire life_.”

Katara’s form softened and she quietly reached down and took his hand, feeling the weight of the moment upon her. She felt the need to comfort him, to be there for him, especially after her words to him earlier. She felt how he had combed through his mind, trying to convey to her a phrase with double meaning- he had worded it perfectly. _Anything in my entire life._ He was speaking both of his Uncle, and of…

“Then he’ll forgive you. He will.” She looked at him, mustering all of her courage to allow her eyes to fall on his. It was then that she noticed the tears.

The way the light flickered in them made them appear as though they had been set on fire, and that the small beads of liquid forming in the ridges were lava, about to erupt. She relished in it, a small and slightly guilty smile creeping onto her lips as he pulled his hand from beneath hers and placed it on top. He nestled her knuckles in his palm perfectly, his warmth radiating up her arm and into her chest. There was something so enthralling to her about being able to provide him this comfort and knowing only she was the one to do it. Without even thinking, Katara shifted her body. She pulled her hand from his, silently chiding herself for the lost warmth, and she placed one knee between his outstretched one and his bent one. If she had allowed herself to consider, for a moment, the position she was in, she would have stopped. But this wasn’t the time for thinking. This wasn’t the time for anything at all- in fact, they were very quickly running _out_ of time.

Katara kneeled before him, rocking slightly as she balanced on one knee between his legs, and one foot planted in the ground beside him. He reached forward to steady her, placing his palm on her knee and his other on her hip, finding himself gripping too desperately. Her scent overwhelmed him, lilies and lilacs and gooseberries, all tied up within the sea salt and fresh streams that always haunted the whisps of her hair. His eyes blinked close and he just allowed himself the moment to breathe within her space, holding onto it as a single tear slid down his cheek.

Katara leaned forward, shifting her other leg to place her other knee in the dirt, and she leaned back, straddling his leg as she took in the moon. She was beautiful, extended her neck upward and letting the light of the night sky wash over her, as if it were a prayer. Before Zuko knew it, she pushed forward, placing her lips tightly against his forehead, her soft hand thumbing the line beneath his eye were the tear had landed to rest. She wiped it away as she felt him shake for a moment, before quietly settling into her comfort. He felt her cresting over him, much in the same way he had done so to comfort her, and he somehow still felt a pang of jealousy run through him- reminding him that she was _much_ better at this. She was empathy, personified, and it was beautiful. He hoped she’d have pity on him further still, as he decided to push the envelope…

“What did you mean…what you said back in the forest- what did you mean?” He whispered, his voice stoic and ungiving. He’d allow her to see him quake and falter, but he’d reminder her with his voice that he was strength, embodied, as if to never give her reason to doubt his ability to be her shield.

Katara let her head hang as she thought of how to answer, her hand still resting on his cheek while the other reached around to cradle the back of his neck. Her finger traveled up and down his scar, now wet with his tears, and the moisture clung to him with every point of contact. It was as if her finger were water itself, lingering on him and leaving the feeling of being exposed all over him.

He could feel her heart beating, the pulsations reaching outward from her in fervent succession. She shook softly, teetering them back and forth in a manner that was halfway between soothing and chaotic. He kept his eyes open as she did, their gazes locked in a tormenting battle as she tried to give him any comfort. He felt as though he were reading a book in a foreign language- he couldn’t make her out.

“Katara, I-…”

“Zuko, please.” Katara’s voice was laced with emotion as she pleaded with him, and he finally got a gauge on what emotion was pasted across her face. _She’s-…_ He felt her palm move from his cheek down to his chest, only this time, it had slithered its way under his tunic. Her cold contact meeting his heated skin was shocking to him, but he didn’t jump. He felt her fingers curl, her nails biting into him harshly, as she made a fist against him.

_Oh. She’s…frustrated._

“I want this moment, okay? I want…” She searched for the words. “Ugh! I want this. I do. But we can’t. I…” She grew more desperate, scooting even closer into his arms. “We have to find Aa-“

Zuko felt the Avatar’s name falling from her lips. His eyes widened as her soft breath wafted over him, casting a spell on him from which he never wanted to break. He knew one thing for certain, however, as the jealousy crept over him. He wanted to save her- to save this moment, this incredible moment- for a time they could both enjoy it. A time he knew might never come. He lunged forward, wrapping his arm around her waist in a panic and crashed his lips to hers once more, allowing her to settle completely across his lap as he let his knee down to provide her more room.

She didn’t let it surprise her this time, as she fell into him, her lips moving against his in passionate vigor. She felt him nip her lip slightly at the motion, however, and it fascinated her, like a game she was just learning the rules to. She wanted to reciprocate, so she let her teeth graze his bottom lip as she allowed her mouth to tilt open slightly, yet it did not garner the reaction she had hoped for.

Zuko’s hand flew up from around her waist to her shoulder, pushing her back and forcing the contact between their lips to break all too soon.

Embarrassed, Katara retreated from her position above him. She felt her cheeks flush red as she maneuvered to sitting beside him once more. He felt her earnest humility radiating from her as she shivered slightly in the air without his touch. He reached over and took her hand, pressing warmth into her and just highlighting one of the many benefits she’d have at her beck and call should they…

She sighed, cradling his hand in her lap as she traced the outline of his veins under his pale skin. His skin was somehow so soft, even through the calluses that were present from years of training with swords and fire. She marveled at it, while pondering on what would have happened had she fought her better angels continued with instigating him.

Of course she knew about sex. Her father had given her brother a long, awkward speech about it, and she just so happened to be unknowingly within earshot. And especially considering Sokka’s recent escapades with Suki, she wasn’t entirely without knowledge of how the act was performed, thanks to some very ill-timed entrances into her brother’s tent for supplies. She had never really imagined herself performing such salacious deeds with someone until Jet had come along, and even then she never pictured anything in her mind apart from what her brother would later tease her about as ‘heavy petting’. She had never done anything more with a boy than kiss, and it showed every time she felt that electricity building between her and Zuko. It was a desperate search for answers around the mystifying act, yes, but it was also a search for something else- to share your body and soul with someone so completely, well, that was terrifying to her, and exhilarating all at the same time.

Even now, with Zuko’s hand in hers and the awkwardness of the moment dissipating into the silence as time progressed, she could feel that hunger welling up inside of her. Would it be so bad if she were to just cast doubt aside and allow him to take her then and there? Sure, she was much younger than what she heard her father telling Sokka should be the proper age for a woman to lose her…’purity’…but she also was facing the trauma of a thousand lives, compounding in the uncertainty of a future that may or may not come.

Unbeknownst to her, Zuko’s mind was following the same narrow path. His honor, however, was the most ardent of roadblocks. He argued with himself, angrily almost, of whether or not it would be proper to have this woman- as although she would be called a _girl_ by age, her wisdom was now that of someone many years her senior- and he found himself often trying to find ways to say ‘propriety be damned’. But he wouldn’t. Not for her.

Mai and he had found quiet cuddling moments together, in a life that seemed so long ago. He’d often get as close as he could to bedding her before she’d find some excuse to leave in hurry, forcing him to grip himself in shame and anger instead of in love and comfort. He often thought of whether or not she’d allow him to if he arrived home a hero, honor restored, but could never find himself to play the act out in his head. Even alluding to the thought now sickened him, as Katara sat so close, and he quickly banished the musings from his mind, as if thinking of them too long would paint them on his skin.

Katara shivered slightly, and Zuko peered over at her before wrapping his arm over her shoulder and pulling her in closely.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly into her hair as she leaned her head against him. 

“I should be the one apologizing. I…I shouldn’t be so… so selfish.” She replied. Her words were laced with what sounded like quiet resentment, but her tone was soft enough to indicate that she wouldn’t go until he was ready to let her. Even if that meant she’d stay there until morning.

“What do you mean?” He asked, feeling her soft hair nestling against his shoulder.

“I’m so tired, Zuko. I’m so tired of fighting, so tired of this war, so tired of following Aang around from one conflict to the next. I just want to rest, Zuko, but…Ugh, I’m sitting here complaining when your Uncle is in there, and you’re out here – with me. I’m… I’m distracting you. I shouldn’t be so selfish.”

He paused and decided not to speak. Her voice sounded leery, but tired.

The Agni’s honest truth was that he could let this moment go on forever. He could close his eyes and imprint it on his mind- the feeling of her pressed against him, the light snores of his uncle just feet away, the smell of chai on the air and her scent mixing with it, a fragrance that he’d forever try to bottle for himself so to never forget it. He thought of falling asleep right there with her in his arms. He thought of bringing her into his Uncle’s tent as a beacon of forgiveness and setting up a Pai Sho table with them as they laughed and sipped sake and were a family. He thought of a million things that would never happen, then he thought of a million more, as if trying to convince himself that he shouldn’t let her sleep. Reality was the only saving grace to him right now, the only thing keeping him from capturing her soul in this moment forever, before unleashing her body to tragedy on the morning- tragedy that would be his fault from keeping her unfocused just out of his greed.

“You should rest.” Hesitation crept back into his throat as he said the words, knowing they’d mean the end of their contact.

“Yes.” She said, standing up in a way that left him awkwardly gazing up at her. She smiled down at him and turned to leave. He stood, mimicking her movements as he let his eyes linger on her while he backed into his Uncle’s tent.

Once again, he felt the world collapsing under him and he silently wished it would wash him away. She didn’t turn back to look at him, but her words grazed his ears all the same as he ducked under the canvas opening. “When I’m alone, I can’t stop thinking of you…”

The admission struck him as she sauntered off, and he stood before his now rising Uncle, who greeted him with eyes of sadness, but eyes of clarity. He recognized the look of pain and heartbreak on his nephew’s face- it was one that had become all too familiar to him.

Zuko cursed himself silently, wishing he could banish the emotions of their interaction, as he felt his Uncle look him over in silence. His focus had shifted, and the clarity of the apology he had crafted for the man who raised him these past few years dissipated like steam. He stumbled on his words as he worked to fight through the heartache.

“Uncle…I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me…” 

The old General listened quietly as he stood from his cot, wandering closer to Zuko as he reached for a tea pot on a small caddy near him. He hung the teapot over the fire as his nephew continued.

“I want…no, I _need_ you to know…” His stoic armor was breaking as a sob finally leapt forth from his lips and he broke.

The floodgates opened and Zuko felt the world crash into him. All the events of the past few days that had left him reeling in exhaustion flowed like a river from his eyes as he knelt unceremoniously at his Uncle’s feet.

“I am so, so sorry, Uncle. I am sorry and ashamed of what I did. I don’t know…” He choked, “how I can ever make it up to you, but I’ll…”

He stopped. He felt warmth- very similar to the warmth he felt in the comfort of Katara, but much more practiced. This comfort was much older, much more familiar. He sniffled and blinked the tears from his eyes as felt his Uncle pull back from the hug and stare at him. The look in the old man’s eyes was unfamiliar to him…

It was pride.

“H-how…” Zuko was confused, “How can you forgive me so easily…? I thought…” He stuttered as his Uncle’s hands rested on his shoulder. “I thought you would be furious with me.”

The admission was a tough one- Zuko had very rarely enraged his Uncle before, but his wrath was one that he feared much more than his own father’s. Iroh had it within him to forgive everything Zuko had ever done, but the young Prince had been so sure that this would not be one of those moments where his Uncle could cast his aspersions aside. He felt in his soul that he had broken the most sacred trust he had made with the man who he should have called ‘father’.

“I was never angry with you. I was sad…” Iroh stated, his eyes welling before his nephew. “Because I was afraid you had lost your way.”

“I _did_ lose my way, Uncle.”

“But you found it again, and you did so by yourself.” Iroh beckoned to his nephew to take a seat with him as he began to pour tea. He had two cups. He always had two cups.

Zuko felt a chill run up his spine. His Uncle always knew he’d come back.

“It wasn’t entirely by myself…” Zuko began as he sipped his tea and regaled his Uncle of his recent adventures, and the girl who taught him he could be forgiven…

* * *

“Why me?”

The wind whipped through Katara’s hair as she asked the question. It was loud as they crested over the small mountain and began closing in on the Caldera City. They were still about an hour out from the palace, but Katara could make out the edge of the ornate horizon against the backdrop of peach and purple sky. In a way, it was beautiful, but the air was heavy with the unmooring of their destinies ahead.

“Hmm?” Zuko asked, gripping Appa’s reigns from where he sat a few feet in front of her. She had noticeably kept her distance since they had embarked from the White Lotus Camp, but Zuko gave her the space, despite his craving to sweep her off her feet at every glance.

“Why did you ask _me_ to come with you? You could have easily asked Toph, or even Sokka, to come with you to fight your sister. Why _me_?”

“Oh…Um, well, it made the most sense, really.” He said, nonchalantly, as if it truly did.

The rest of their ride was doused in silence, save for final desperate reassurances to each other that they were doing the right thing, they’d make it out of this, Aang would return, and he’d win…

Katara wanted to reach out to him, to say something more, but she kept thinking about their evening before- just the two of them and the fervent kisses they had shared. If she said anything now, she’d taint that moment with ‘what if’s’ and ‘maybe’s’- planting false hope in a garden of dust and ash. If they were to die, facing Azula, she’d want him to remember her fondly in those moments…

She gulped at the thought. Her fifteen years on this planet – almost sixteen by that point – had been full of adventure, excitement, passion, gratitude, and love. If her time were to end on this die, in service of bringing a light into the world that would shine brighter for her having been there, she could make peace with that. She only hoped that he could, too.

Guilt creeped up into her as she realized it had been hours since she’d thought of her and Aang. She’d had fleeting moments- memories that crept into her subconscious of their training, their laughter, and their affection to one another and their friends. Despite that, she truly hadn’t thought of _them_ in quite some time. She thought back to their moment at the theatre- when he kissed her, and when she had kissed them. It was so easy for her to dismiss these moments- far easier than it should be with what was currently at stake. She loved Aang, of course she did, but she had been fighting with the idea of the affectation of their relationship and the state she would steer it in if they survived this. Could she just live her life among the Air Temples, bouncing from one to the other and always living in the shadow of the Avatar? She was a _master_ in her own right, which was something that could never be stripped from her, of course, but she felt that a life of living in the service of others when only at the beck and call of someone else may be a life she’d feel more condemned to than satisfied in…

Her eyes darted up to the back of Zuko’s head and she wondered fondly what thoughts were rushing through him as they approached the palace courtyard.

It was too late for pondering now, but as Appa landed with large groan and shake, she felt his eyes upon her again, and in them she saw eternity.

The moments that followed hit her in punches- direct, unflinching – yet somehow like a dream.

_“Sorry, but you’re not gonna become Fier Lord today. I am.”_

_“The showdown that was always mean to be. Agni Kai!”_

_“There’s something off about her; I can’t explain it, but she’s slipping…”_

_“No lightning today? What’s the matter? Afraid I’ll redirect it?”_

_“Oh, I’ll show you lightning!”_

Then every ‘what if’ and ‘maybe’ became ‘never’ and ‘I wish we would have’, and _‘I’m so sorry’._

* * *

_“Why me!?”_ Katara’s voice pleaded, screaming as shook him. His body was cooling with every second.

Her hands began to work over him, the wound felt like thrashing within her as she closed it. Azula’s scowls and cries from her icy shackles across the courtyard fell on deaf ears as Katara shook with sobs. Blood caked her skin up to her elbows, mixing with the water she was using to heal him. It was a murky shade of pink, bits of coagulation now staining her nails. A small group of palace servants had gathered around – all of those that Azula hadn’t banished, anyway. Their eyes searched in one another’s for some indication at what to do. Some bent down to try to assist, but quickly pulled back when Katara screeched at them to give her space to work. A few had begun to sob softly, as the vision of someone pouring their entire soul into saving another became so much to bear.

As the singed skin around the center of Zuko’s torso began to fade to a soft gray, then to a grayish peach, pink and puckering into renewed skin, the new Fire Lord’s body began to seize. He thrashed wildly, unconscious to the entire affair, much to Katara’s horror. She dropped his body haphazardly from her lap and triaged quickly how to proceed. She knelt on him, her knee pressing across his upper thighs, while the other leg was bent and pressed against his shoulder. It was an awkward position and a balancing act for sure as he throttled beneath her, jostling her and causing alarm that she might slip and crush his windpipe, or that her hands might be to unsteady to tend to the wound. She continued to work, however, her lips repeating over and over again.

“Why me…I’m so sorry, Zuko, I’m-…why me…I’m sorry, I-”

“Honored friend of the Fire Lord.” A stern voice came from over her shoulder.

“Leave me alone!” Katara wailed back at them. “I have to focus! Don’t you understand?”

“Master Katara…” The voice was softer now, and Katara felt a hand on her shoulder. It was only then that she had noticed the bleeding had stopped and Zuko’s form was lifeless and pale.

“Master Katara, please.”

Katara looked up to see the face of an older man. He was dressed in plainclothes, but his physique and his address to her revealed his station- he was either a royal or a member of the military. Katara didn’t recognize him.

The man waved his arm and two younger servants approached with a cot. They leaned down but made no move to transfer the Fire Lord onto the cot. They were…waiting for her.

“Master Katara, I am Lieutenant Jee. I am a friend to…” He paused, looking over to the pale man that lay before them. “I am loyal to the Fire Lord. The _true_ Fire Lord.” He nodded to her, awaiting her permission to continue.

“I have to save him…” She said, looking back down to him. “He trusted me to come with him, he saved me, so I have to save him…”

“I understand, Master Katara. I only ask that you let us help you. My men can escort Princess Azula somewhere that she can be held safely, and the servants here can relocate the Fire Lord to somewhere more fitting to the task of healing.”

She looked uncertain. She’d never expected to enter the Fire Nation and be greeted by an ally. She expected only retribution towards any coming to take the throne – but she knew it was true that Zuko had made friends here, and she felt a familiarity at the name of this one in particular – possibly someone she heard him mention in passing or polite conversation.

He smiled at her slightly, the first beckoning sign that things _would be_ okay, if only she were prepared to weather the storm to come, although she wouldn’t have to do so alone.

Zuko groaned very quietly as his body trembled. His lips and fingertips had taken on a hue of blue, and she fought her urge to kneel back to him and continue her ministrations. The dirty water sopping on the ground beneath her was not fit for this…Lieutenant Jee was right.

Katara nodded quietly to the man, who nodded back to the servants. One placed his hands under the pits of Zuko’s arms, the other grabbed his ankles and they lifted. Zuko let out a cry of pain, much to Katara’s distress and relief – pain meant he could still feel. Feeling meant he was still alive.

“You have to be careful!” She cried, rushing to his side as they lifted the cot with the Fire Lord’s quivering body. “Any wrong move could re-open that wound! If that happens, who the Fire Lord is or is not will be the least of your worries…” Her tone darkened as she gripped Zuko’s hand walked along side him.

Their path through the palace would be Katara’s first – the winding hallways and empty courtyards would be forever imprinted on her memory this way. She continued to cling to the Zuko – _the Fire Lord’s_ hand as they finally approached an ornate double door at the end of a hall.

Inside the room were fabulous, decorative furnishings in shades of gold and red, but Katara paid them no mind as she immediately set to work. Zuko had been laid on a bed, the cot pulled from under him with care at Katara’s direction.

“I’ll need two large wash basins, both filled with water. Fresh towels. Any herbs and remedies you can spare – specifically willow bark and peppermint.”

Her orders continued as she worked without rest. She hadn’t noticed that the servants assisting her had switched shifts twice, or that the skin of her hands began to peel and wither in their constant moisture, leaving large patches of raw flesh that clung to the bones. Her blood pressing towards the surface, she felt it often mingled with the water, mingled with Zuko’s blood, but she didn’t care. Her own health was the least of her concerns.

She had to preserve the feeling, the elasticity, of the skin on his chest. Without it, he’d never properly be able to turn his torso without tearing the flesh. She spoke to it in a language of water, dipping her hands in and out of the basins frequently – one to wash away the tainted blood and flesh, the other to replenish her supply. Pieces of skin would come together in the wrong way, and she’d have to start over, using a blade of ice to cauterize and re-open the wound in order to heal it properly. She went through bottles of antiseptics, tonics, tinctures and salves, re-examining the flesh in the light of candles around her. The heat bothered her, but not as much as the silence had.

It had been too long since Zuko had last cried out in pain. His sobs and cries had been thick with mucus in his throat – a good sign that his lungs had not been damaged in the blast. He’d cough occasionally and wince in pain, but every sound from him felt reserved. Even on the brink of death, he was too stubborn to appear weak, too stubborn to worry her more than he should…

Katara had no perception of time when she had finally let the last of the water drip into the basin. She knew she had one final task, which was going to be her most difficult yet. She’d need to force the blood flow under the wound so his body could continue to heal it in her absence – as determined as she was to continue, she felt the exhaustion creeping up inside of her, and realized she had to expend her final energy to ensure his longevity.

“Do you need fresh water, Master Katara?” A young servant that Katara had not seen before went to fetch the basin from beside her, awakening her from her trance-like focus on him.

“Oh, uhm…No, thank you. But…” She pondered for a moment on how to ask for what she’d need. “I need…some kind of restraint.” Her hesitancy in her voice must have alarmed him, as her previous orders had been direct and driven.

“Like another tonic? I can fetch one-“

“No, no, like…like a restraint for his body.” Her eyes darkened, sadness creeping behind them as she knew what her task entailed, no matter how much she wouldn’t like it.

“Oh. Just a moment.”

When the servant returned, he brought another young man with him, and they assisted Katara in fastening the wrists and ankles of the Fire Lord to the bed posts. The two servants watched in fascination as retreated from her posting beside the bed and approached the large drapes that hung before the large picture window in the room. Whipping them open, she felt the faint glow of the moon and was instantly surprised with how clear the sky was. It was only hours before that it was red and speckled with ash and clouds…wasn’t it…?

She shook the thought from her head as she walked back to the bedside. She thought for a moment of any way that she could avoid what she knew in her soul she would have to do. She looked up at the two men who watched her. They seemed to bare no ill will or doubt at her. Part of her was glad they were there, but she also hesitated…

Her gaze fell back towards Zuko. His breathing was still shallow, and his chest barely rose and fell. It was covered in salve and bandages, tied neatly around him, tight enough to apply pressure, but light enough to allow the wound to breathe. She thought for a moment about the privacy they had in this moment and was unsure of whether or not to act on it, considering the watchful eyes before her were unfamiliar.

She threw caution to the wind, however. She’d have no more regrets. She wanted her ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ back. Katara leaned over Zuko and pressed her lips to his forehead as a tear streamed down her cheek.

“I meant it’s better…for both of us… if we don’t do this,” she whispered as quietly as she could, “but _Gods,_ do I wish that weren’t true… I don’t even know if it is anymore…” She placed her hand on his chest. “I have so many regrets about things I didn’t do, things I didn’t say… But I promise you, if you make it out of this…” She pulled her lips from his skin. “Come back to me, Zuko, and I’ll come back to you…”

And she began. Her hand was pressed to his chest and she breathed in, her lips pressed once again to his forehead. She felt for the water within him- his blood, and she moved it.

Zuko’s eyes flung open and his mouth gaped in an unhuman way, but she pressed further into him, feeling the blood waxing and waning beneath her touch. Her chest fluttered as she sobbed against him, feeling his anguish as he finally coaxed a horrified and anguished scream from his lungs. She had never heard a sound like it as it ripped through her ear drum. He thrashed wildly against the restraints that barely held him in place. The scream was otherworldly, and she grew uncertain of whether or not to continue with each millisecond she heard it. It wasn’t possible for him to continue screaming for this long – she had never heard him in so much pain.

It killed her – she felt years taken off of her life for having to put him through this. She had never imagined having to bend blood again, especially on someone she cared about so desperately. By the end of it, she wanted to die. She felt her heart racing as she finally completed the work, sobbing angrily into his shoulder as she laid in his arms. She was covered in his blood and sweat, but he was conscious. He was alive. In this moment, _just this moment_ , he could be hers. He held her as she shook and cried, quiet apologies tearing from her lips. The weakness that overtook him coaxed him into sleep, but he would not go.

The two young servants who had taken refuge in chairs beside the fire, listening with intensity and numb to the fervor of it all, snored quietly. A soft rap on the door followed by the entrance of Lieutenant Jee was a sign of movement on the front outside, but Zuko refused to allow Katara to be taken from him. He rocked her quietly, whispering gratitude and kind words to her as she lingered on the edge of consciousness, and Lieutenant Jee understood that they’d remain until they were ready. He gently woke the two servants and relieved them of their duties, shutting the door behind them as he escorted them out.

When they finally let sleep overcome them, exhausted from having fought it for so long, Zuko glanced out of the window at the rising sun. Including this one, five suns had risen since the world had seen peace for the first time in one hundred years, and they would not wake again until the sixth. 

They were finally alone, and Katara’s soft breaths coaxed him into a long, dream-filled slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again, my lovelies, and remember to come hang out with me on Tumblr, Isntagrizzle, and check out my Podcast. :) I also occasionally stream on Twitch now, so that's a thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Read, review, leave kudos and all that jazz. 
> 
> Feel free to hang out with me on Tumblr at InternetCthulhu and check out my podcast, Damnsels, wherever you podcast. :)


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